Birthday Surprise

My father called me on my birthday. I was very surprised to see his caller ID, and it made me immediately happy and nervous. I had to suppress giggling- oh, that nervous tick.  I figured he had probably called my sister first, and she had cajoled him into calling me, but she said he didn't call her. 
 He sounded very upbeat, and we had a nice conversation. But now I'm intensely curious- why now, after so many years of not calling? What is going on in his life to change his pattern? Why did he sound so happy? My father is a creature of habit, it coincides with the alcoholism.  I know it's a very morbid thought, but I couldn't help but wonder if he's sick, and is trying to amend things before he passes. I know, I know, but the man has been a lifelong smoker and heavy drinker. Like, since he was about 14. 
 I've often wondered if my dancing career was what made him stop communicating with me. No father wants his daughter dancing, and as far as I know him, I could see him backing away because of it. My mother blames his behavior completely on the alcoholism, of course, which yes, is about 80% of it.  But still, why would he call my sister on her birthday, but never me on mine? Or call her on Christmas but not call me?
 Before his  phone call, I was considering writing him a letter and letting him know how I felt, how his uneven affections for his children hurt, and let him know I wasn't dancing anymore. It was going to be my last effort to create some kind of relationship with him. Now, I don't know. I think I'll just send him a card, maybe a late Christmas card.
 KR

Family Loyalty

A conversation with my sister last night brought up the subject of family loyalty, and how far it should go if it's being misused.

We are the offspring of divorced, alcoholic parents so you know that we didn't come from a solid, healthy family unit. Our mother did get sober (I was fortunate to be too young to remember her as a drunk) and is a wonderful mother who does everything in her power to help out her children and to be there for them. Our father is still an alcoholic who does work hard, but hits the bottle the minute he's off the clock. Having said that, he would still never mistreat us (if you don't count never being around), nor lie or steal from us.  Being a dancer for 8 years, I would run out of fingers AND toes recounting all the girls I've met who had/have been abused by their parents their whole lives. And I'm talking about the worst kind- like, mothers who got their kids hooked on drugs so they could pimp them out and control them. Mental, emotional, physical domination. Girls who were pushed into dancing because their parents used them as their little cash cows. Parents that lie and steal from them on a regular basis.
  Now, I'm a very loyal person if its a worthy person/cause. But from my perspective, no person should have to take that kind of shit from their parents. There's a limit to familial abuse, and after enough, I believe the kid has every right to tell the parent to go fuck off. Fuck family loyalty at that point. 
  I was raised to believe that the parent/child relationship is one of mutual respect- the child respects the adult, the adult respects the child even while being the parent and making the decisions that are a parent's responsibility. I have zero tolerance for parental abuse and it always mystifies me when I see a case of it and the adult child continues to put up with it. (Key word: 'adult child')
But then again, I am seeing things from my side of the fence. I also understand how if it's the only thing you've ever known, its normal to you and maybe even feels comforting. I get it, but it's so sad. 
  Well, that was my Tuesday morning rant. Thanks for tuning in. 
K

Childless

I drove to my sister's this morning to help get my niece and nephew on the bus for their first day of school. Their stupid cat- whom I rescued - was running all in the road and repeatedly going after the little girl across the street who hates cats. But I must say- that cat has made major progress- he was a complete nightmare for the first three years of his life due the trauma he sustained the first six weeks of his life. He was the third animal that I rescued or had a hand in rescuing from the club and all the idiots and animal abusers I've come into contact with through that place. I've rescued four, two of which I kept.
 Anyways, I've been feeling guilty because I don't go and hang with my niece and nephew as much as I used to. And part of it is just that I'm still sorta getting used to my life currently, and after being around annoying people at work all day, I really don't feel like being around kids. I love them, but....no. I want to go home to my childless, clean, quiet, calm place and chill with my best friend. 
 All the time I give thanks that I've never gotten pregnant. Sounds bad when I phrase it like that, instead of like, "...that I've never had kids." The former makes me sound a bit slutty, hmm?
I know that I'm only 27 and I might still change my mind....but yeah, no. I love babies, and I don't even mind changing shitty diapers. However, once they start walking and talking, my tolerance goes down significantly with each succeeding year. And they are SO full of energy, bless their little naive hearts. Wait till you figure out how exhausting & annoying life is a lot of the time, fuckers. I haven't gotten all the way there yet, and I'm tired. Children are just so much expensive work, for the rest of your life. I don't like situations that you can't get out of. Well, unless you're a total douchebag (and by that, I'm talking about parents who abuse/neglect their kids, not abortion- that's another day) , but generally kids are forever. And they're annoying for so long.
Maybe that makes me sound like a monster, but that's why I don't have any. Choices people, choices. We all got 'em, let's make smart ones, shall we? 
 Ok, I gotta go deal with those that don't make good choices, har har. 
K