I am attempting to get some writing done this morning. I've decided to do a blog entry in attempt to get rid of some of the ADD I'm feeling. I am sitting on my couch, with the laptop sitting on a pillow, on my lap, and the blanket over my head. I'm listening to pop latino music currently, but I might switch back to classical.
This manuscript is getting tedious. I have it all planned out, I know how it ends, its just a matter of finishing the scenes. Ah, that key component! But what else am I going to do with my day off, when there's accumulating inches of precipitation outside? The roads are shit, and there's a good chance I won't leave my house today. Except to shovel- I need to get some exercise in. If the weather wasn't shit, I would probably pack up the laptop and take it to the library to write.
As I sit here, I realize how much more of a homebody I've become. I don't even make an effort to hang out with people anymore. A lot of the reason is that the majority of my social circle is people from the club, and while I'm not trying to shit on them, I also am no longer interested in hanging out with them. I made the choice to leave that circle, and move on with my life. Some of the reason is that I'm no longer in an anxiety-ridden relationship, where I needed other people to help me feel validated. A and I don't like the majority of people, and we're content with each other's company.
With the writing, I remind myself that this is what I've wanted for so long- to have a normal job, and on my days off, spend it all day writing on my laptop. The last time I was close to this was when I was still married, and could spend all day writing and then all night dancing. But back then the relationship was shit, and I wasn't as wholesomely happy as I am now.
Reading this entry over, I used the word 'shit' quite a bit. My apologies, but the shit fit ;)
K
Showing posts with label relationship. Show all posts
Showing posts with label relationship. Show all posts
February 05, 2014
September 10, 2013
Family Loyalty
A conversation with my sister last night brought up the subject of family loyalty, and how far it should go if it's being misused.
We are the offspring of divorced, alcoholic parents so you know that we didn't come from a solid, healthy family unit. Our mother did get sober (I was fortunate to be too young to remember her as a drunk) and is a wonderful mother who does everything in her power to help out her children and to be there for them. Our father is still an alcoholic who does work hard, but hits the bottle the minute he's off the clock. Having said that, he would still never mistreat us (if you don't count never being around), nor lie or steal from us. Being a dancer for 8 years, I would run out of fingers AND toes recounting all the girls I've met who had/have been abused by their parents their whole lives. And I'm talking about the worst kind- like, mothers who got their kids hooked on drugs so they could pimp them out and control them. Mental, emotional, physical domination. Girls who were pushed into dancing because their parents used them as their little cash cows. Parents that lie and steal from them on a regular basis.
Now, I'm a very loyal person if its a worthy person/cause. But from my perspective, no person should have to take that kind of shit from their parents. There's a limit to familial abuse, and after enough, I believe the kid has every right to tell the parent to go fuck off. Fuck family loyalty at that point.
I was raised to believe that the parent/child relationship is one of mutual respect- the child respects the adult, the adult respects the child even while being the parent and making the decisions that are a parent's responsibility. I have zero tolerance for parental abuse and it always mystifies me when I see a case of it and the adult child continues to put up with it. (Key word: 'adult child')
But then again, I am seeing things from my side of the fence. I also understand how if it's the only thing you've ever known, its normal to you and maybe even feels comforting. I get it, but it's so sad.
Well, that was my Tuesday morning rant. Thanks for tuning in.
K
We are the offspring of divorced, alcoholic parents so you know that we didn't come from a solid, healthy family unit. Our mother did get sober (I was fortunate to be too young to remember her as a drunk) and is a wonderful mother who does everything in her power to help out her children and to be there for them. Our father is still an alcoholic who does work hard, but hits the bottle the minute he's off the clock. Having said that, he would still never mistreat us (if you don't count never being around), nor lie or steal from us. Being a dancer for 8 years, I would run out of fingers AND toes recounting all the girls I've met who had/have been abused by their parents their whole lives. And I'm talking about the worst kind- like, mothers who got their kids hooked on drugs so they could pimp them out and control them. Mental, emotional, physical domination. Girls who were pushed into dancing because their parents used them as their little cash cows. Parents that lie and steal from them on a regular basis.
Now, I'm a very loyal person if its a worthy person/cause. But from my perspective, no person should have to take that kind of shit from their parents. There's a limit to familial abuse, and after enough, I believe the kid has every right to tell the parent to go fuck off. Fuck family loyalty at that point.
I was raised to believe that the parent/child relationship is one of mutual respect- the child respects the adult, the adult respects the child even while being the parent and making the decisions that are a parent's responsibility. I have zero tolerance for parental abuse and it always mystifies me when I see a case of it and the adult child continues to put up with it. (Key word: 'adult child')
But then again, I am seeing things from my side of the fence. I also understand how if it's the only thing you've ever known, its normal to you and maybe even feels comforting. I get it, but it's so sad.
Well, that was my Tuesday morning rant. Thanks for tuning in.
K
September 09, 2013
Reflections of a 27-year-old
Good morning, fuckers.
Mondays are always a bit morose after a great weekend, the lover goes off to work, and there's a void in the apartment :(
Saturday we met with our new landlords, we will be moving sometime in October, to a cute little house in Marcellus. It's such a cute little house- loft-style bedroom, side porch, lots of land, an apple tree in the backyard. Marcellus has an awesome, renovated library and I'm all about it. (Yes, that's how I judge a place, by the town library.)
Ugh, moving. Your twenties are all about it, right? Good god. This will be my 8th place since leaving my mother's nest. One must count the fact that I didn't do the traditional college dorm living thing and I had my first apartment in Port Byron at 18 with the ex. That time seems so long ago, wow. I was driving my ass to the J-E high school every morning and I couldn't tell any of the authorities I was living out there, lol. My poor mother, I was such a good teenage until he showed up in my life. It's funny how you approach your later twenties and you understand how you can't tell anyone in love, especially teenagers, the harsh reality of their relationship. There's that one line in that I-can't-find-the-title Black Keys song, "Everyone knows that a broken heart is blind". Yeah well, a heart in love is just as blind most of the time. If you pay attention and reflect on your past mistakes, you can get better, faster, at realizing the harsh reality of your relationship, even if you're in love. Does it get easier? A tiny bit, but it's more like you just get better at closing your emotions off and keeping it together until you can afford to howl up at the moon.
I have gotten a lot accomplished this year so far- finished my divorce, quit the pole (and the beautiful stilettos :( ), got a "real" job, and graduated. And I want to make the remaining 3 1/2 months as productive. I've got to find full-time work closer to home, or my jewelry business & blogging has to take off. So I'm pursuing the first AND the second. I would definitely prefer the second option over the first. I'll admit, sometimes the first seems like a dream- yeah right, bitch- you do not belong in the real business world. I would love to be one of those sexy office women with my hair up, glasses, in a black skirt and white button-up....*meow*.....but it seems so alien and unattainable to me at the same time. We'll see.
Bottom line: I want to make much more money than I'm making now :D
Closing up, let me just say this: I will always, ALWAYS love seven-inch stilettos, or a.k.a. "stripper heels". Those seven inches of heel with the platform do such wonders to a girl's...everything. The legs, the booty, midsection, titties....BAM! And the power and sexiness they invoke when you strap them on (provided you're on a non-slip surface, har har) is miraculous!
K
Mondays are always a bit morose after a great weekend, the lover goes off to work, and there's a void in the apartment :(
Saturday we met with our new landlords, we will be moving sometime in October, to a cute little house in Marcellus. It's such a cute little house- loft-style bedroom, side porch, lots of land, an apple tree in the backyard. Marcellus has an awesome, renovated library and I'm all about it. (Yes, that's how I judge a place, by the town library.)
Ugh, moving. Your twenties are all about it, right? Good god. This will be my 8th place since leaving my mother's nest. One must count the fact that I didn't do the traditional college dorm living thing and I had my first apartment in Port Byron at 18 with the ex. That time seems so long ago, wow. I was driving my ass to the J-E high school every morning and I couldn't tell any of the authorities I was living out there, lol. My poor mother, I was such a good teenage until he showed up in my life. It's funny how you approach your later twenties and you understand how you can't tell anyone in love, especially teenagers, the harsh reality of their relationship. There's that one line in that I-can't-find-the-title Black Keys song, "Everyone knows that a broken heart is blind". Yeah well, a heart in love is just as blind most of the time. If you pay attention and reflect on your past mistakes, you can get better, faster, at realizing the harsh reality of your relationship, even if you're in love. Does it get easier? A tiny bit, but it's more like you just get better at closing your emotions off and keeping it together until you can afford to howl up at the moon.
I have gotten a lot accomplished this year so far- finished my divorce, quit the pole (and the beautiful stilettos :( ), got a "real" job, and graduated. And I want to make the remaining 3 1/2 months as productive. I've got to find full-time work closer to home, or my jewelry business & blogging has to take off. So I'm pursuing the first AND the second. I would definitely prefer the second option over the first. I'll admit, sometimes the first seems like a dream- yeah right, bitch- you do not belong in the real business world. I would love to be one of those sexy office women with my hair up, glasses, in a black skirt and white button-up....*meow*.....but it seems so alien and unattainable to me at the same time. We'll see.
Bottom line: I want to make much more money than I'm making now :D
Closing up, let me just say this: I will always, ALWAYS love seven-inch stilettos, or a.k.a. "stripper heels". Those seven inches of heel with the platform do such wonders to a girl's...everything. The legs, the booty, midsection, titties....BAM! And the power and sexiness they invoke when you strap them on (provided you're on a non-slip surface, har har) is miraculous!
K
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