Identity Crisis

Ok, so it's not a crisis, per se, as I don't do crises. But lately- at times- I find myself a little...lost. No doubt due to the fact that a life-change coincided with a "personal growth spurt" in my timeline. I'm curious, does this happen to all ex-dancers? I would bet it does. As much as its a bad idea to let the lifestyle inundate your life, it happens inevitably.
     I've also had more SAD lately than normal for fall. The change of seasons always brings back so many memories, but I am especially sad the good weather is going.
   The offers for interviews are finally coming in- thank god. Now just to get through a slurry of interviews and find a landing place. And get out of there before the Christmas hustle really starts. We're already getting Christmas candy in by the boatload.I don't mind the customer service so much (although yesterday I just wanted to post up in the middle of the store and scream out, "NO I CAN'T FUCKING HELP YOU! LEAVE ME ALONE AND LET ME GET SOMETHING DONE TODAY!!!) I just am quite tired of cleaning up after people.
   I owe you guys another installment of Elemental Evil, I know. Three weeks is about when I lose steam for a project, I wasn't surprised. I'm not giving up on it, don't worry. It's been fun to write. I'm purposely keeping the installments short, as it's easier for me to be more regular with it, and I think the audience does better with shorter pieces. We're all fitting it in on our lunch breaks, right?
  Off to create. 
K 

Pilgrimage of Hermitage

I am attempting to get some writing done this morning. I've decided to do a blog entry in attempt to get rid of some of the ADD I'm feeling. I am sitting on my couch, with the laptop sitting on a pillow, on my lap, and the blanket over my head. I'm listening to pop latino music currently, but I might switch back to classical.
 This manuscript is getting tedious. I have it all planned out, I know how it ends, its just a matter of finishing the scenes. Ah, that key component! But what else am I going to do with my day off, when there's accumulating inches of precipitation outside? The roads are shit, and there's a good chance I won't leave my house today. Except to shovel- I need to get some exercise in. If the weather wasn't shit, I would probably pack up the laptop and take it to the library to write.
 As I sit here, I realize how much more of a homebody I've become. I don't even make an effort to hang out with people anymore. A lot of the reason is that the majority of my social circle is people from the club, and while I'm not trying to shit on them, I also am no longer interested in hanging out with them. I made the choice to leave that circle, and move on with my life. Some of the reason is that I'm no longer in an anxiety-ridden relationship, where I needed other people to help me feel validated. A and I don't like the majority of people, and we're content with each other's company.
  With the writing, I remind myself that this is what I've wanted for so long- to have a normal job, and on my days off, spend it all day writing on my laptop. The last time I was close to this was when I was still married, and could spend all day writing and then all night dancing. But back then the relationship was shit, and I wasn't as wholesomely happy as I am now.
 Reading this entry over, I used the word 'shit' quite a bit. My apologies, but the shit fit ;)
K