Season Guilt

Tonight, I admitted to myself: Summer is not my season.
Most of my life, I have fought against this- every spring, determined to make the most of the warm season. I'm going to go to the beach, go to the lake, plant a magnificent garden and weed it consistently, hang out with people.........
Then around this time in the season I "remember" that I hate hot weather, I get lightheaded every time I stand up due to low blood pressure, I hate crowded beaches, I'm not comfortable swimming in bodies of water where I can't see the bottom, and I really don't want to hang out with people.
 I wish Fall lasted forever. See, that is a season. Cooler temperatures, fantastic foliage, wider selection of clothing to wear......
 Part of it is seasonal guilt that my mother instilled in me- "Get out there and enjoy the weather!" "Why are you inside? It's beautiful outside!" "We have such a short season, we're already losing daylight!"
 Now, I'm not in love with winter. If it was a whole month shorter- say, just cut out the whole month of March- that would be a big improvement. However, I remember my childhood and sitting in my rocking chair in front of the fireplace, and those are some of my favorite ones.
 This is also the time of the season when I'm split-half of me is terrified that the summer is drawing to a close, and the other half is getting excited about the oncoming fall.
  K

Identity Crisis

Ok, so it's not a crisis, per se, as I don't do crises. But lately- at times- I find myself a little...lost. No doubt due to the fact that a life-change coincided with a "personal growth spurt" in my timeline. I'm curious, does this happen to all ex-dancers? I would bet it does. As much as its a bad idea to let the lifestyle inundate your life, it happens inevitably.
     I've also had more SAD lately than normal for fall. The change of seasons always brings back so many memories, but I am especially sad the good weather is going.
   The offers for interviews are finally coming in- thank god. Now just to get through a slurry of interviews and find a landing place. And get out of there before the Christmas hustle really starts. We're already getting Christmas candy in by the boatload.I don't mind the customer service so much (although yesterday I just wanted to post up in the middle of the store and scream out, "NO I CAN'T FUCKING HELP YOU! LEAVE ME ALONE AND LET ME GET SOMETHING DONE TODAY!!!) I just am quite tired of cleaning up after people.
   I owe you guys another installment of Elemental Evil, I know. Three weeks is about when I lose steam for a project, I wasn't surprised. I'm not giving up on it, don't worry. It's been fun to write. I'm purposely keeping the installments short, as it's easier for me to be more regular with it, and I think the audience does better with shorter pieces. We're all fitting it in on our lunch breaks, right?
  Off to create. 
K 

Orange, Red, and Yellow

I think that the fall season definitely rivals even the spring season, in terms of beauty and color. I love the palette-oranges, reds, and yellows. It's so sad once all the leaves fall off and you're stuck in ugly November. I always make sure to pay attention to the foliage, because I know how quickly it dies off. Sleep, my tree elders....sleep. Have wonderful tree dreams, about sturdy roots, water & sun!
  I was going to play some TombRaider on the Xbox360 for a bit, but I couldn't get Lara's damn lariat to catch on the rocks, and it tired me out. Plus, even a digital fat ass is still a fat ass, very distracting. Ah, Angelina, when you still had some fat on your bones....
 Working at my current favorite-place-to-shop can also be distracting, there are so many fabulous items all around me all the time, my god the purses!! The heels! 
  Which brings me to the next bullet-point: living simple, off the land vs. consumerism, plugged in. If you're a fan of the History Channel's Alaska: The Last Frontier, you are aware of the rugged lifestyle of the Kitchers. That is the definition of simple living, and we should all be living like that. Damn the complexities of a global market economy!! 
 However, for someone who grew up only a few clicks away from that, I can't help but crave the opposite. Hey, skinny babies grow up to be big people, and vice versus- it 's the way of the world, I didn't design it. I want tons of purses and shoes and ridiculously priced t-shirts. Just kidding, even if I had all the money in the world, I would not buy $45 t-shirts. That's bullshit. Howweevveerrr, I would drop a couple hundred on purses and shoes. But those last a lot longer than a t-shirt, see my logic? 
 I certainly understand the rugged lifestyle, I get it 100%. And I'm okay ending up doing about 50-60% of it. A bit more if I get to writing full-time. Write for a few hours, then go out and feed the animals and shovel some shit- who wouldn't want that lifestyle? Away from large amounts of people? Growing your own food? 
 I just also want to be able to go shopping :p
K