Happy Saturday! (Or Caturday as my Google Feed seemed to be all about!)

Ah, the weekend. Let me tell you, as someone recently freed from the world of retail, having every weekend off is AWESOME!!
  My first week at the new job went well, I love it there! The people are cool, they have a great culture and starting on Monday, things are going to get busy! Bring it on ;) 
 Today is my nephew's birthday party, and there are a bunch of other errands that need to be accomplished as well. We got up at like 6:30 today lol #morningfreaks 
  My cat got all confused with the time change, and now my work schedule has him getting loud and annoying even earlier in the morning. Like, 4:30 a.m. he starts his shit. He needs to get with the program. 
  I'm really blogging right now because I just gave myself a #weekendmani and I'm waiting the final minutes for it to dry before I get ready to run errands. 
  Looks like the pre-orders for my vampire novel are rolling in, and it's so exciting! Have you ordered your copy of The Awakening yet? (Psst! It's only .99!) If you don't own a Kindle, but you have a smart phone, you can download the Kindle app and be on your paranormal adventure way!
  All of you are awesome! 
 K
 

Lost Girl

Here I am, staying up too late once again. Work took forever to get through tonight, I thought the shift would never end. I was feeling very emotional tonight- I really really miss my mama :( It was probably a good thing that A was asleep when I got home, cuz I think I would have started crying if he hugged me. I should still have a good cry session in the shower, just to get all that funky juju out of my system. Sometimes I get panicky, thinking of all the time that's going by that I'm not spending with my mom and she's not going to be around forever. (Ahh, here come the tears!) Technology is great for keeping in touch over distances, but nothing beats the real deal. I get jealous over the mother/daughter pairs I see shopping together, and I wish I could do that with her. Not that she ever just goes leisure shopping- Ha! I will be going down to see her in a couple of weeks, it's just never enough time to really hang out and talk. When she comes up here, I'm usually working and it sucks that we can't chill. Is this part of getting close to thirty, that you start having anxiety attacks over your aging parents?  Christ. 
  I'm not looking forward to tomorrow. Tuesdays suck ass b/c I'm coming off of three nights closing, and going to bed too late. Getting up the energy for my physically demanding job on Tuesday mornings is hard to accomplish. That, and keeping my mood decent.  
  I need to shift gears, and find something better paying and better scheduled. I'm already so tired of several aspects at that place, but at the same time, I'm dreading the whole job hunting/interviewing process. UGH. I will be much better at it this go- around, but it's still a bit nerve-racking. 
  Which brings me to the other bit of angst I'm feeling- I am really missing the old good money Saturday nights at the club. Back when Cory was there, and the stage shows and the fun times we used to have and the crazy customers and the dancing and the loud ass music and the sky high heels and the drugs and making out with girls. *Sigh* I miss flirting with girls, slapping ass and squeezing on boobies. The place still had energy back then, it's not pathetic like it is now. And it's not just that place, all of Syracuse has become a black hole for naked entertainment. Syracuse has lost a lot of businesses over the last ten years, and it shows. 
Sometimes it seems like a dream, that I had a million years ago. 
Alright, let me get my ass in the shower and get all this shit out of my head. Hopefully I'll be able to pass out afterward.  
kr
 
 
 
 
 

Family Loyalty

A conversation with my sister last night brought up the subject of family loyalty, and how far it should go if it's being misused.

We are the offspring of divorced, alcoholic parents so you know that we didn't come from a solid, healthy family unit. Our mother did get sober (I was fortunate to be too young to remember her as a drunk) and is a wonderful mother who does everything in her power to help out her children and to be there for them. Our father is still an alcoholic who does work hard, but hits the bottle the minute he's off the clock. Having said that, he would still never mistreat us (if you don't count never being around), nor lie or steal from us.  Being a dancer for 8 years, I would run out of fingers AND toes recounting all the girls I've met who had/have been abused by their parents their whole lives. And I'm talking about the worst kind- like, mothers who got their kids hooked on drugs so they could pimp them out and control them. Mental, emotional, physical domination. Girls who were pushed into dancing because their parents used them as their little cash cows. Parents that lie and steal from them on a regular basis.
  Now, I'm a very loyal person if its a worthy person/cause. But from my perspective, no person should have to take that kind of shit from their parents. There's a limit to familial abuse, and after enough, I believe the kid has every right to tell the parent to go fuck off. Fuck family loyalty at that point. 
  I was raised to believe that the parent/child relationship is one of mutual respect- the child respects the adult, the adult respects the child even while being the parent and making the decisions that are a parent's responsibility. I have zero tolerance for parental abuse and it always mystifies me when I see a case of it and the adult child continues to put up with it. (Key word: 'adult child')
But then again, I am seeing things from my side of the fence. I also understand how if it's the only thing you've ever known, its normal to you and maybe even feels comforting. I get it, but it's so sad. 
  Well, that was my Tuesday morning rant. Thanks for tuning in. 
K

Childless

I drove to my sister's this morning to help get my niece and nephew on the bus for their first day of school. Their stupid cat- whom I rescued - was running all in the road and repeatedly going after the little girl across the street who hates cats. But I must say- that cat has made major progress- he was a complete nightmare for the first three years of his life due the trauma he sustained the first six weeks of his life. He was the third animal that I rescued or had a hand in rescuing from the club and all the idiots and animal abusers I've come into contact with through that place. I've rescued four, two of which I kept.
 Anyways, I've been feeling guilty because I don't go and hang with my niece and nephew as much as I used to. And part of it is just that I'm still sorta getting used to my life currently, and after being around annoying people at work all day, I really don't feel like being around kids. I love them, but....no. I want to go home to my childless, clean, quiet, calm place and chill with my best friend. 
 All the time I give thanks that I've never gotten pregnant. Sounds bad when I phrase it like that, instead of like, "...that I've never had kids." The former makes me sound a bit slutty, hmm?
I know that I'm only 27 and I might still change my mind....but yeah, no. I love babies, and I don't even mind changing shitty diapers. However, once they start walking and talking, my tolerance goes down significantly with each succeeding year. And they are SO full of energy, bless their little naive hearts. Wait till you figure out how exhausting & annoying life is a lot of the time, fuckers. I haven't gotten all the way there yet, and I'm tired. Children are just so much expensive work, for the rest of your life. I don't like situations that you can't get out of. Well, unless you're a total douchebag (and by that, I'm talking about parents who abuse/neglect their kids, not abortion- that's another day) , but generally kids are forever. And they're annoying for so long.
Maybe that makes me sound like a monster, but that's why I don't have any. Choices people, choices. We all got 'em, let's make smart ones, shall we? 
 Ok, I gotta go deal with those that don't make good choices, har har. 
K

Temet Nosce

For all its wonderment and abilities, the human brain can be so lacking in this one thing called common sense.
For a quick example, go jump in your car and drive around for a bit. Guaranteed that you will come across not one, but several drivers whom have no idea what they’re doing behind the wheel.
I am currently a part of a sub culture–the dark, devious cutthroat micro universe of exotic dancing.
There are some great parts to this subculture–I’ve met some of the most creative, open-minded, hilarious people ever. I’ve been helped out by members of that strange family when I really needed it, generosity that I will never forget. I’ve had crazy adventures with sexy women, partied with the pros in the game of chance.
But seriously, what do you think of when you hear the word ‘stripper’? My guess is that there are some unappetizing thoughts that go through your mind.
Those typical stereotypes that just rolled through your mind- unfortunately, there are plenty of women that fit and swell the bill.
I will probably come off as arrogant and bombastic throughout the rest of this piece, but if I may profess-I approach the topic with frustration of wanting people to do better for themselves.
One key component of this particular subculture, unfortunately, is dysfunction. This industry is ripe full of people who cannot do one simple thing: get the fuck out of their own way.
I speak out of experience, trust–I’ve had less than desirable relationships (who hasnt?), I’ve had to move in with a friend in the middle of the ghetto, and I put up with shit longer than I should have.
Don’t get me wrong- it’s not like I’m sitting in a mansion now, with butlers bringing me hot water to soak my feet in (although that would be sweet). I’ve still got a long ways to go before I’m comfortable with where I am in life.
That is called progress. And that is what everyone should be trying to do in life. Whether it be a noun or a verb, it needs to happen. Stasis is progress’ evil uncle, out to destroy its name. Everyday that I go to work, I see examples of the latter. And I get it–most of them came from shitty, abusive, neglectful destitute backgrounds, and it’s all they’ve ever known. They’ve never had good role models, or enough discipline. To a degree, it’s a comfort to be surrounded by the shit you’ve always had in your life.
However–one would hope that a human being would instinctively know that they should try to break free. Do better for themselves than their predecessors did. To take those years of watching poverty beat down their caretaker and use it as fuel to get out of their circumstances. To recognize, through instinct, what was unhealthy in their life, and throw it out. To recognize that it’s just dragging them down, and defeating their chance of success. Isn’t that what we’re all in this for? Success in some form, whether it be success in marriage, child-rearing, career, happiness.
WTF.
Ok, I’ll stop preaching.
K

ExCaliber (originally written 5/12/13)

I came through and cleaned this literary house; I should be studying for finals but I’ve been itching to get some writing done.
Friday was the first day of the speaking (I was going to put ‘oral’ but we all know how my dirty mind is) part of my Spanish final. I did much better than my partner, who did zero prep-work and apparently no studying. I’m pretty sure I’m doing everything in life better than she is. I suspect she is a meth addict, seen enough of the symptoms, I work with enough of its slaves.
When I got home, my boyfriend and I took off for my mom’s farm, which is downstate some 2 1/2 hours. Beautiful drive, and the weather wasn’t too horrible. We made sure to pick up rubber boots before we left; you know ain’t afraid of some slop
I love cows, they’re amazing animals. I know it sounds weird, but I love how they smell- I love the smell of cowshit, and the way their hair smells (yes, they have hair, not fur) and even how their breath smells. Mmmm….rumination! They’re such good animals–they give so much of themselves, and we use so much of them. The modern dairy cow has a shitty short life, I wish all bovines could be raised out of pasture doing their cow thing.
Our dinner was completely homegrown or it was locally produced. The hamburger we enjoyed was one of theirs that they had slaughtered. The potatoes were ones they had grown last summer, and the asparagus was fresh (although not nearly as tasty as the way my bf cooks it) .
We stayed overnight at an ugly, overpriced hotel, but we had a fun night We went back over to the farm for a hearty breakfast and to feed treats to the hairy beasts up on the hill. I got my hand stuck in a cows mouth and had to yank it out. I forgot they had bottom teeth
Said our goodbyes before noon and hit the road; close to Rochester we stopped at a Nick Roussos for a Garbage Plate- new experience for me. Very interesting, different eatery. I had the white hot plate, which was two coneys over mac salad and potatos. MMmmm….carb overload
The final stop was to pick up his mom and the three of us traveled to the Lilac Festival (which is going on all weekend–go check it out!) . Lilacs are my favorite all time flower, and they have such a short blooming period This park is so beautiful, and there’s over 500 varieties scattered all over, among other ancient unusual trees.
I am so happy that we got to go, I’ve been wanting to go for years now. Guess it took just being with the right person
K