This is me Trying. At least soon.

I am a little frustrated at myself tonight. I am frustrated that I wasted so many years when I was only working twenty hours a week, and I never finished this stupid manuscript. Ok, I'm sorry manuscript- you're not stupid. Your writer is stupid.
 Now I work full-time, in a physically demanding position, and all I want to do when I get home is go to bed. Well, drink a little vodka and pass out. I feel totally unable to come up with the needed creativity for the book. So I hop onto my favorite writers' blogs, and try to drum up some motivation. Sometimes it works, it often doesn't. And look- here I am, writing a blog instead of working on the book. Unfortunately, spilling out my thoughts is always easier than coming up with new stuff.
 Fuck a duck. Ok, get it together just for a little while longer. Self, you have a great laptop to write on, now use it. You're 75% really done, finish this damn thing.  And I plan on making this a trilogy?? HA!
Take a shower?
NO. Write.
My nails really need to be painted....
NO. Write.
*Sigh* 

K.

Lost Girl

Here I am, staying up too late once again. Work took forever to get through tonight, I thought the shift would never end. I was feeling very emotional tonight- I really really miss my mama :( It was probably a good thing that A was asleep when I got home, cuz I think I would have started crying if he hugged me. I should still have a good cry session in the shower, just to get all that funky juju out of my system. Sometimes I get panicky, thinking of all the time that's going by that I'm not spending with my mom and she's not going to be around forever. (Ahh, here come the tears!) Technology is great for keeping in touch over distances, but nothing beats the real deal. I get jealous over the mother/daughter pairs I see shopping together, and I wish I could do that with her. Not that she ever just goes leisure shopping- Ha! I will be going down to see her in a couple of weeks, it's just never enough time to really hang out and talk. When she comes up here, I'm usually working and it sucks that we can't chill. Is this part of getting close to thirty, that you start having anxiety attacks over your aging parents?  Christ. 
  I'm not looking forward to tomorrow. Tuesdays suck ass b/c I'm coming off of three nights closing, and going to bed too late. Getting up the energy for my physically demanding job on Tuesday mornings is hard to accomplish. That, and keeping my mood decent.  
  I need to shift gears, and find something better paying and better scheduled. I'm already so tired of several aspects at that place, but at the same time, I'm dreading the whole job hunting/interviewing process. UGH. I will be much better at it this go- around, but it's still a bit nerve-racking. 
  Which brings me to the other bit of angst I'm feeling- I am really missing the old good money Saturday nights at the club. Back when Cory was there, and the stage shows and the fun times we used to have and the crazy customers and the dancing and the loud ass music and the sky high heels and the drugs and making out with girls. *Sigh* I miss flirting with girls, slapping ass and squeezing on boobies. The place still had energy back then, it's not pathetic like it is now. And it's not just that place, all of Syracuse has become a black hole for naked entertainment. Syracuse has lost a lot of businesses over the last ten years, and it shows. 
Sometimes it seems like a dream, that I had a million years ago. 
Alright, let me get my ass in the shower and get all this shit out of my head. Hopefully I'll be able to pass out afterward.  
kr