Have I ever shared how much I LOVE libraries? I am currently sitting in my "new" local one, since a) I need new reading material and b) I don't have home internet at the moment. The state of the local library whenever I move somewhere new is a big factor in how I feel about my new digs. When my mom moved us out to Elbridge, I was so disappointed in both the Elbridge AND Jordan libraries, both small and outdated.
Anywayyyss....the lover & I are done moving, thank god. I turned in all the keys and related paraphanelia to the office today and we'll see how much $$ they try to weasel out of the security deposit. I am very grateful that we had no rain while we were performing such an arduous task, and now that I think about it, a good number of moves I have done in my life so far have been in the late fall, with a decent amount of nasty cold precip.
And before you ask, No, I don't give a shit about Halloween. I'm tired, my body hurts, and I have a headcold. I don't care this year, maybe next year. Am I going to eat a copious amount of candy as if I did participate in festivities? Yes, I sure will. In fact, my bf bought a HUGE Hershey's candy bar last night, like a frickin' $12 one. Even I wouldn't spend that much on a candy bar. <3
I was sad cleaning out the old place. We have good memories there; it was such a safe, calm haven after he plucked me out of the ghetto. I was sad to see it empty. However- onward and upward!!
One more day of work before I can sleep like I need to, and organize the house....one more day......
Have a ghoulish night, y'all.
K
October 31, 2013
October 22, 2013
WIP
For those of you not in the writing know, WIP is Work In Progress. Not the same as whip, of which there are many variations, levels of pain, AND can be quite fun ;)
I have been working on my debut novel-no, not the vampire one, that one has been retired. It's not that I'm sick of vampires, although the gigantic surge in popularity the last 10 years was unexpected, its just that there are so many bad renditions of the legend that I'm sorta tuned out, I guess.
The one I'm working on now is tentatively titled Requiem, and I'm 20 pages in. Unlike the vampire effort, I know how this one is going to flow, I know the climax *giggle*, and the denouement.
It is going to be a dark fiction novel, a storyline woven around a stark portrayal of the exotic dancing subculture I was once involved in. While it will encompass many less-than-stellar factors of the stripping lifestyle, there will also be many elements of dancing that were fun and made good memories.
Stay tuned!
K
I have been working on my debut novel-no, not the vampire one, that one has been retired. It's not that I'm sick of vampires, although the gigantic surge in popularity the last 10 years was unexpected, its just that there are so many bad renditions of the legend that I'm sorta tuned out, I guess.
The one I'm working on now is tentatively titled Requiem, and I'm 20 pages in. Unlike the vampire effort, I know how this one is going to flow, I know the climax *giggle*, and the denouement.
It is going to be a dark fiction novel, a storyline woven around a stark portrayal of the exotic dancing subculture I was once involved in. While it will encompass many less-than-stellar factors of the stripping lifestyle, there will also be many elements of dancing that were fun and made good memories.
Stay tuned!
K
October 19, 2013
Late Night Thoughts
"Fuck the fame/ I'm a simply man"
"Tell me is it cool to fuck?/ Did you think I came to talk?/ Am I a fool or what?"
It's 11:03 and I should be in bed. I was at work till almost ten and I'm almost ready to sleep.
The lover and I dropped off our first load to the new place, we're both excited about being out in the country :) What I'm not looking forward to is driving around there.....we'll see how brutal this winter turns out to be be. Can't prevent it anyway :P It's not like I haven't driven in plenty of inclemental weather, that's for damn sure. I was thinking the other day how I've never *knocks on wood* hit a deer, although I have certainly had to slam on the brakes for them plenty of times. I don't know how I made it to work on the farm sometimes, driving half-asleep. Deer were often my second alarm clock, lol. WIDE AWAKE NOW, THANKS!
Can I discuss the topic of anxiety for a moment? I have always had anxiety, from being a small child on up, however I only put a name to it and figured out what that awful feeling was around age 25. I really didn't know what anxiety was until then, even though I have always dealt with it. I worried about everything when I was a kid, & I was shy and withdrawn. Riding the school bus was often a huge task, and I was so terrified of getting on the wrong bus, or missing my bus and not getting home. I was part of the team in my high school that put together the first ever literary journal for that school, and I loved it. However, having to ride the late bus was so nerve-racking, I didn't always go to meetings b/c I couldn't face having to ride the late bus.
In July I was dealing with New Job Anxiety, and here I am again in October dealing with the same. I AM NOT COMPLAINING, and I understand that it is what it is, and it will pass, just as it did for the first non-naked job. But it's so annoying. I hate the tightness in my chest and back, and the rapid heartbeat. Not to mention the fleeting moments of nausea. Oh yeah, that's all me, nice little nutcase package. I get annoyed with it when I'm working, like GO AWAY! Followed by: Just breathe, bitch. And to my credit, I have made tremendous progress this year, and have gotten pretty stupendous at working through it. It's not something that I let hold me back, and well, you just get kinda used to being uncomfortable.
New Job is also Lonely Time, when you haven't really made any work buddies and it's awkward when you enter the break room. Not that I give a fuck what any of the non-manager staff think of me, but it just makes me think of my former naked buddies, and how close we were in a way, due to the nudity. Working at this particular place also makes me miss my best friend, whom I used to shop there with once upon a time. I need more adult gfs :( Got plenty of dysfunctional ones to hang with, but I'm not interested anymore.
Those that know me know that I'm obsessed with the Kardashians, especially Kim and her fat ass, but in their defense, they have given me a powerful tool-the saying: Fake it Till You Make It. I'm sure they weren't the first to say such, but they are the ones I associate with it and it really helps for dealing with moments of anxiety. Fake It Till You Make It, Baby. Even when you feel like shit, and you're a basketcase inside, act like a fucking Queen. Till you can afford to be yourself again, har har.
Fuck the Haters, is another that's often tossed around. Gathering a bit of arrogance around you can be a strong armor, when needed :P
Thanks for listening,
K
"Tell me is it cool to fuck?/ Did you think I came to talk?/ Am I a fool or what?"
It's 11:03 and I should be in bed. I was at work till almost ten and I'm almost ready to sleep.
The lover and I dropped off our first load to the new place, we're both excited about being out in the country :) What I'm not looking forward to is driving around there.....we'll see how brutal this winter turns out to be be. Can't prevent it anyway :P It's not like I haven't driven in plenty of inclemental weather, that's for damn sure. I was thinking the other day how I've never *knocks on wood* hit a deer, although I have certainly had to slam on the brakes for them plenty of times. I don't know how I made it to work on the farm sometimes, driving half-asleep. Deer were often my second alarm clock, lol. WIDE AWAKE NOW, THANKS!
Can I discuss the topic of anxiety for a moment? I have always had anxiety, from being a small child on up, however I only put a name to it and figured out what that awful feeling was around age 25. I really didn't know what anxiety was until then, even though I have always dealt with it. I worried about everything when I was a kid, & I was shy and withdrawn. Riding the school bus was often a huge task, and I was so terrified of getting on the wrong bus, or missing my bus and not getting home. I was part of the team in my high school that put together the first ever literary journal for that school, and I loved it. However, having to ride the late bus was so nerve-racking, I didn't always go to meetings b/c I couldn't face having to ride the late bus.
In July I was dealing with New Job Anxiety, and here I am again in October dealing with the same. I AM NOT COMPLAINING, and I understand that it is what it is, and it will pass, just as it did for the first non-naked job. But it's so annoying. I hate the tightness in my chest and back, and the rapid heartbeat. Not to mention the fleeting moments of nausea. Oh yeah, that's all me, nice little nutcase package. I get annoyed with it when I'm working, like GO AWAY! Followed by: Just breathe, bitch. And to my credit, I have made tremendous progress this year, and have gotten pretty stupendous at working through it. It's not something that I let hold me back, and well, you just get kinda used to being uncomfortable.
New Job is also Lonely Time, when you haven't really made any work buddies and it's awkward when you enter the break room. Not that I give a fuck what any of the non-manager staff think of me, but it just makes me think of my former naked buddies, and how close we were in a way, due to the nudity. Working at this particular place also makes me miss my best friend, whom I used to shop there with once upon a time. I need more adult gfs :( Got plenty of dysfunctional ones to hang with, but I'm not interested anymore.
Those that know me know that I'm obsessed with the Kardashians, especially Kim and her fat ass, but in their defense, they have given me a powerful tool-the saying: Fake it Till You Make It. I'm sure they weren't the first to say such, but they are the ones I associate with it and it really helps for dealing with moments of anxiety. Fake It Till You Make It, Baby. Even when you feel like shit, and you're a basketcase inside, act like a fucking Queen. Till you can afford to be yourself again, har har.
Fuck the Haters, is another that's often tossed around. Gathering a bit of arrogance around you can be a strong armor, when needed :P
Thanks for listening,
K
October 16, 2013
Orange, Red, and Yellow
I think that the fall season definitely rivals even the spring season, in terms of beauty and color. I love the palette-oranges, reds, and yellows. It's so sad once all the leaves fall off and you're stuck in ugly November. I always make sure to pay attention to the foliage, because I know how quickly it dies off. Sleep, my tree elders....sleep. Have wonderful tree dreams, about sturdy roots, water & sun!
I was going to play some TombRaider on the Xbox360 for a bit, but I couldn't get Lara's damn lariat to catch on the rocks, and it tired me out. Plus, even a digital fat ass is still a fat ass, very distracting. Ah, Angelina, when you still had some fat on your bones....
Working at my current favorite-place-to-shop can also be distracting, there are so many fabulous items all around me all the time, my god the purses!! The heels!
Which brings me to the next bullet-point: living simple, off the land vs. consumerism, plugged in. If you're a fan of the History Channel's Alaska: The Last Frontier, you are aware of the rugged lifestyle of the Kitchers. That is the definition of simple living, and we should all be living like that. Damn the complexities of a global market economy!!
However, for someone who grew up only a few clicks away from that, I can't help but crave the opposite. Hey, skinny babies grow up to be big people, and vice versus- it 's the way of the world, I didn't design it. I want tons of purses and shoes and ridiculously priced t-shirts. Just kidding, even if I had all the money in the world, I would not buy $45 t-shirts. That's bullshit. Howweevveerrr, I would drop a couple hundred on purses and shoes. But those last a lot longer than a t-shirt, see my logic?
I certainly understand the rugged lifestyle, I get it 100%. And I'm okay ending up doing about 50-60% of it. A bit more if I get to writing full-time. Write for a few hours, then go out and feed the animals and shovel some shit- who wouldn't want that lifestyle? Away from large amounts of people? Growing your own food?
I just also want to be able to go shopping :p
K
I was going to play some TombRaider on the Xbox360 for a bit, but I couldn't get Lara's damn lariat to catch on the rocks, and it tired me out. Plus, even a digital fat ass is still a fat ass, very distracting. Ah, Angelina, when you still had some fat on your bones....
Working at my current favorite-place-to-shop can also be distracting, there are so many fabulous items all around me all the time, my god the purses!! The heels!
Which brings me to the next bullet-point: living simple, off the land vs. consumerism, plugged in. If you're a fan of the History Channel's Alaska: The Last Frontier, you are aware of the rugged lifestyle of the Kitchers. That is the definition of simple living, and we should all be living like that. Damn the complexities of a global market economy!!
However, for someone who grew up only a few clicks away from that, I can't help but crave the opposite. Hey, skinny babies grow up to be big people, and vice versus- it 's the way of the world, I didn't design it. I want tons of purses and shoes and ridiculously priced t-shirts. Just kidding, even if I had all the money in the world, I would not buy $45 t-shirts. That's bullshit. Howweevveerrr, I would drop a couple hundred on purses and shoes. But those last a lot longer than a t-shirt, see my logic?
I certainly understand the rugged lifestyle, I get it 100%. And I'm okay ending up doing about 50-60% of it. A bit more if I get to writing full-time. Write for a few hours, then go out and feed the animals and shovel some shit- who wouldn't want that lifestyle? Away from large amounts of people? Growing your own food?
I just also want to be able to go shopping :p
K
October 09, 2013
Juggling
I'm feeling better today. At work I learned how to use the markdown machines, which is a bit tedious, but its busywork which makes the time go by faster. A little more confident today, a little more knowledgeable. It's such a better organized place than my previous place of employment, thank god. You can tell that it's taken a lot of effort and maneuvering to get the system that they have now, and it works well.
I think I'm getting better at juggling several different venues of creative interest, put in a little bit of time here, a little bit of time there. It still drives me a bit crazy to not be able to dive 100% into a project, but I'm learning to appropriate time and effort and spread it all around.
And because the holidays are almost upon us, I've updated my Amazon Wishlist:
http://www.amazon.com/registry/wishlist/S6ULY586JPYA/ref=cm_sw_r_tw_ws_FJBvsb1ATY3AB
I got several items off my list last year, due to some awesome blog readers, thank you again!!
Just a thought ;)
Kelly
I think I'm getting better at juggling several different venues of creative interest, put in a little bit of time here, a little bit of time there. It still drives me a bit crazy to not be able to dive 100% into a project, but I'm learning to appropriate time and effort and spread it all around.
And because the holidays are almost upon us, I've updated my Amazon Wishlist:
http://www.amazon.com/registry/wishlist/S6ULY586JPYA/ref=cm_sw_r_tw_ws_FJBvsb1ATY3AB
I got several items off my list last year, due to some awesome blog readers, thank you again!!
Just a thought ;)
Kelly
October 08, 2013
Impatient Part II
In kinda a funk today. Part of it is being the new person at work, even though there's many of us new associates. I haven't heard back from the better-paying job, which is disappointing, but oh well. My retail career goes on.
I think I'm just mentally exhausted. I've made great strides in eliminating unnecessary anxiety that I used to carry around, simply because I couldn't afford to let it have me lose out on opportunities this year. And I'm very proud of myself, for how much I've kicked my own ass into gear, but I'm tired. The lazy bitch inside of me wants to go back to dancing, and having money handed to me for doing nothing but looking pretty. Oh, and being naked. Ahh, the good ole pre-recession days of stripping. Forever put to rest.
I remind myself that I've always loved this place where I work now, and I'm proud of myself for making a mini-dream come true. However, it's a bit akin to torture- there are so many clothes, handbags, and heels all around that I fucking want. I talk to them while I organize, tag and put them away- I tell them how beautiful they are and when I'm rich I'm going to buy them all. I think they're comforted. Probably more than I am.
K
I think I'm just mentally exhausted. I've made great strides in eliminating unnecessary anxiety that I used to carry around, simply because I couldn't afford to let it have me lose out on opportunities this year. And I'm very proud of myself, for how much I've kicked my own ass into gear, but I'm tired. The lazy bitch inside of me wants to go back to dancing, and having money handed to me for doing nothing but looking pretty. Oh, and being naked. Ahh, the good ole pre-recession days of stripping. Forever put to rest.
I remind myself that I've always loved this place where I work now, and I'm proud of myself for making a mini-dream come true. However, it's a bit akin to torture- there are so many clothes, handbags, and heels all around that I fucking want. I talk to them while I organize, tag and put them away- I tell them how beautiful they are and when I'm rich I'm going to buy them all. I think they're comforted. Probably more than I am.
K
October 01, 2013
Hardball
I have a second interview for the better paying job on Thursday, and as much as I thought I was planning out my career, maybe it's going to end up in a different, more lucrative, place. That's perfectly okay with me, I need to make more money and I have total faith that I would kick-ass at this job. Eventually, that is- there's a lot to learn.
One of the benefits of working at my current place is that I get to make use of my Spanish language knowledge. There's a pretty sizable demographic of Hispanic customers, so it's at least a weekly thing that I am called to help with a conversation or transaction. However, each interaction reminds me that I need to bone up on it, also :P
I really hope I get good news at this interview!
Oh, and one more small Public Service Announcement:
This blog is about a chic who is all about moving forward in her life. As in, continually making progress, and building a better future. If you've been left behind, you can be sure there's plenty good reason. And if you're not down with that, then maybe you shouldn't read it.
K
One of the benefits of working at my current place is that I get to make use of my Spanish language knowledge. There's a pretty sizable demographic of Hispanic customers, so it's at least a weekly thing that I am called to help with a conversation or transaction. However, each interaction reminds me that I need to bone up on it, also :P
I really hope I get good news at this interview!
Oh, and one more small Public Service Announcement:
This blog is about a chic who is all about moving forward in her life. As in, continually making progress, and building a better future. If you've been left behind, you can be sure there's plenty good reason. And if you're not down with that, then maybe you shouldn't read it.
K
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