For those that know me, you know how I like to analyze things, situations, life changes, etc. So I've been mulling over this new stage in my life where I'm at, and the past one.
While I do not regret my time spent in the naked lifestyle, I wonder at the effects it's had on me.
For example, even though I am a total morning person now ~7 a.m. 6 days a week, have been since February and I love it....I still have a tremendous amount of trouble being productive before 11 a.m. And I still get a minor second wind late in the evening, like 8 p.m. If it's a work-at-home-writing day, I can work fairly steadily 11 a.m. onward, but if could just get it to start at like, 8:30 a.m., I'd be so much more productive. That I'm blaming on dancing.
Another thing: I'm still shaking off the schedule of being active and working hard (no pun intended. Ok, well for demonstrative purposes...hehe, that doesn't make it any less funny, huh?)for a small space of time (i.e. 4-minute lapdance) then slacking off for a half hour. Repeat. Granted, I have much longer productive times than the time it takes to make $20, but still if I could just work steadily most of the time allotted for work, I'd get more shit done. That I'm blaming on dancing.
Another thing: I feel like I've been released back into normal life; obviously the exotic dancer lifestyle isn't the best dinner conversation, and there are a lot of stigmas that plenty of girls fit into. So I felt like somewhat of a social outcast while I was engaged in naked nefarious deeds, and always choked when someone asked what my job was. I felt as if I stood on the edge of society; don't get me wrong, it didn't upset me that much since I'm not super fond of people, but still.
I feel like I've been introduced to society from a stint in the wild urban jungle. Sometimes I miss the other cheetahs but they'll take down prey without me ;)
K
July 23, 2013
July 19, 2013
The Willow Black Files 1
I was halfway through my morning cup of coffee when my cell phone rang. I checked the ID- it was my good friend, neighbor & occasional lay, Samson. Yes, he mirrored the Biblical character in physical strength, however not by length of hair or religious steadfastness. He was a Commander in the Navy, so most of the year he wasn't home and I took care of his Boston terrier, Kippy, and watered my own damn plants.
"Ooh, guess who's calling, Kip?" I said to the dog, who was lying on the floor, near my feet. He instantly picked up his head and regarded me with a serious look, like Don't play with me, woman.
"Good morning," I purred into the phone.
"Good Morning, Willow," his throaty chuckle had an instant reaction of the wet kind down in my nether regions.
"Should I be expecting you home soon?"
"You should look out your kitchen window."
Grinning, I put my laptop aside and got up from the couch. I crossed the hall into the kitchen, with Kippy right on my heels. I continued into the recessed breakfast nook on the far side of the kitchen and slid aside the checkered curtains that covered the window. His kitchen window was directly across from mine, and he was standing there, in his naked glory, holding his phone to his ear. He was fully erect and his swollen head pushed insistently at the glass.
"Oh my," I murmured into my cell.
"Would you like some early morning company?" came his husky voice.
"Like you even have to ask," I told him.
A minute later, Samson and I were feverishly kissing and there was a very excited Boston terrier trying to get in between us. Jumping and yipping, he persisted until we broke it off, laughing.
"Hi buddy!" Samson knelt down and Kipper flew into his arms, twirling madly, his tail going a thousand miles an hour. He licked Samson feverishly amid his excited squeals. Samson swooped the dog up and cuddled him, burying his face in his tiny neck. It was always such a funny sight, this big fucker cuddling such a little dog. Samson had been gone for four weeks.
I led them into the living room, moving my laptop to the coffeetable so we could sit on the couch.
"How has work been?" I inquired. Kippy settled between us, licking my hand to ensure me that he still loved me, as well. Samson's penetrating gray eyes studied me, that beautiful half-smile just as distracting as always. "I was stationed off the coast of Florida. I got approached by several sexy mermaids, but I firmly told them I had a wonderful lady back home, who was watching my dog."
I held up a hand in protest.
"Hey, don't let me stand in your way of getting some mermaid tale. I'd do the same thing."
Samson grinned and grabbed my hand, pulling me closer.
We kissed long and hard, and the space between us closed quickly. Kipper jumped down off the couch and shot a disgusted look over his shoulder, but we weren't paying attention. In one smooth move, Samson slid his length onto the couch, and pulled me on top of his body. His hardness pressed into my pelvis and the whole region contracted with anticipation.
"Have you been a naughty mermaid lately?" he murmured, kissing my neck while his hands embraced my ass cheeks.
"You know us mermaids," I grinned down at him. "There's just something in the water."
He chuckled, the deep, warm sound striking deep inside of me.
"Us pirates drink quite a bit of the same water," he replied, one solid arm of muscle grabbing me around my waist and holding me while he flipped around on top. He pressed his erection against me urgently, and his grey eyes darkened with intensity.
"Arrrrr," I growled up at him.
To Be Continued....
July 18, 2013
Let me Introduce Myself....
Willow Stark Files #1
The guy sitting across from me sneezed into his salad, and I thought, Gross.
"Excuse me!" he spluttered, embarrassed. "Must be the vinegar."
Well, that's a new one, I thought. "It is definitely quite strong in this salad," I offered.
He mimed holding a pad of paper and scribbling on it. He shot his eyes at me with an inquisitive eyebrow. "Hmm? Duly noted for the review?"
This guy was such a dork. But I think he was growing on me. Slowly, very slowly. I ducked my head. "Duly noted."
"How long have you been a food and restaurant critic?"
I've written for many different publications, I've done mostly freelance work, an assignment here, an assignment there. This publication currently is the longest-running."
He paused the salad-loaded fork halfway to his mouth. "Getting paid to eat. That's a pretty awesome gig."
"Well, I have to write about the food I shove in my mouth, too. That's an important component of the gig." I took a bite of the salad. "And it's fun, and assignments are always changing- go to this place and have an appetizer; go to this place and have a dessert, go to this place and get bombed at their bar."
His eyebrows lifted again and he grinned. "How did that one end up?"
Now it was my turn to grin, and I took a second to answer. Images of the night I spent with an interracial couple that had picked me up flipped through my mind. Her ochre-colored skin was so incredibly soft, and she smelled like lilacs. His dick had been hard like his body, and punishing. The combination of the silk and sinew was mind blowing, as was the total aplomb they had of just being horny adults, nothing else. The three of us had used fake names, they had said I looked like a 'Calypso'.
"It was a pretty fun night," I offered. The memories I had sifted through made me hot, and I looked over my dinner date. "Bruce" was in his thirties, a programmer at a local tech company. He was attractive, just not amazingly so. But he had an easy air about him I liked. That didn't necessarily translate into a great lay, but I would find that out in good time.
The guy sitting across from me sneezed into his salad, and I thought, Gross.
"Excuse me!" he spluttered, embarrassed. "Must be the vinegar."
Well, that's a new one, I thought. "It is definitely quite strong in this salad," I offered.
He mimed holding a pad of paper and scribbling on it. He shot his eyes at me with an inquisitive eyebrow. "Hmm? Duly noted for the review?"
This guy was such a dork. But I think he was growing on me. Slowly, very slowly. I ducked my head. "Duly noted."
"How long have you been a food and restaurant critic?"
I've written for many different publications, I've done mostly freelance work, an assignment here, an assignment there. This publication currently is the longest-running."
He paused the salad-loaded fork halfway to his mouth. "Getting paid to eat. That's a pretty awesome gig."
"Well, I have to write about the food I shove in my mouth, too. That's an important component of the gig." I took a bite of the salad. "And it's fun, and assignments are always changing- go to this place and have an appetizer; go to this place and have a dessert, go to this place and get bombed at their bar."
His eyebrows lifted again and he grinned. "How did that one end up?"
Now it was my turn to grin, and I took a second to answer. Images of the night I spent with an interracial couple that had picked me up flipped through my mind. Her ochre-colored skin was so incredibly soft, and she smelled like lilacs. His dick had been hard like his body, and punishing. The combination of the silk and sinew was mind blowing, as was the total aplomb they had of just being horny adults, nothing else. The three of us had used fake names, they had said I looked like a 'Calypso'.
"It was a pretty fun night," I offered. The memories I had sifted through made me hot, and I looked over my dinner date. "Bruce" was in his thirties, a programmer at a local tech company. He was attractive, just not amazingly so. But he had an easy air about him I liked. That didn't necessarily translate into a great lay, but I would find that out in good time.
July 17, 2013
The one thing I Miss....
The only thing that I really miss about dancing (not counting the shifts where a surprising amount of money was made- that goes without saying) is working so intimately with sexy females. Ok, so they weren't all sexy. However, most were, and I only fuck with the sexy ones anyway!
I miss smacking asses, grabbing titties, pulling hair, not to mention all the trash talking and dirty whispers ;)
I have worked with some of the funniest, sexiest bitches on the planet. I miss the sexy :(
I make up excuses to put on makeup, since it's fun now not having to put it on every day and freshen it like, eight times a day. Oh, there are dishes to wash? Better go slap on some concealer and mascara!
This new job has HR.....better keep my hands where they belong....
K
I miss smacking asses, grabbing titties, pulling hair, not to mention all the trash talking and dirty whispers ;)
I have worked with some of the funniest, sexiest bitches on the planet. I miss the sexy :(
I make up excuses to put on makeup, since it's fun now not having to put it on every day and freshen it like, eight times a day. Oh, there are dishes to wash? Better go slap on some concealer and mascara!
This new job has HR.....better keep my hands where they belong....
K
July 15, 2013
Fiji Monday
Guten Morgen, mein lovelies.
How are we faring on this day that promises to be hot as shit?
People in colder climates are never happy--we bitch all winter long and talk about all that we're going to do outside once the weather warms up...then it comes, and gets hot, and we all pussy out and stay inside with our air conditioners.
I admit, I am guilty of this wasteful behavior. However, I do have to be careful on exerting myself in hot weather- I do not do well in temps over 80. And that's due to a thyroid condition that I did not ask for.
Orientation for my new job is on Wednesday. The new job process takes so long, its aggravating. However, the extra couple of days allows me to pick up some more writing jobs and blog writing in the meantime.
In a way, it feels like I've returned from Exodus and can once again be a part of society. While I was dancing, I felt like I stood on the edges of "normal life", and led a lifestyle too radical to get any closer. It's not like I was dying to get back into society- I don't really give a shit about people. However, it is very nice to not have my brain scramble for a reply when asked what my employment is (yes, even after 8 fucking years, I would still get tripped up). That feels awesome, as simple as it may seem.
My writing muse has been paying frequent visits, as well. She's a crafty bitch, and so are her friends. Sometimes we all get naked and roll around in wet paint, then go chase cows. The farmers are always so puzzled in the morning.
;)
K
How are we faring on this day that promises to be hot as shit?
People in colder climates are never happy--we bitch all winter long and talk about all that we're going to do outside once the weather warms up...then it comes, and gets hot, and we all pussy out and stay inside with our air conditioners.
I admit, I am guilty of this wasteful behavior. However, I do have to be careful on exerting myself in hot weather- I do not do well in temps over 80. And that's due to a thyroid condition that I did not ask for.
Orientation for my new job is on Wednesday. The new job process takes so long, its aggravating. However, the extra couple of days allows me to pick up some more writing jobs and blog writing in the meantime.
In a way, it feels like I've returned from Exodus and can once again be a part of society. While I was dancing, I felt like I stood on the edges of "normal life", and led a lifestyle too radical to get any closer. It's not like I was dying to get back into society- I don't really give a shit about people. However, it is very nice to not have my brain scramble for a reply when asked what my employment is (yes, even after 8 fucking years, I would still get tripped up). That feels awesome, as simple as it may seem.
My writing muse has been paying frequent visits, as well. She's a crafty bitch, and so are her friends. Sometimes we all get naked and roll around in wet paint, then go chase cows. The farmers are always so puzzled in the morning.
;)
K
July 12, 2013
Silence
Work with this silence
Listen to It,
Don't run- let it teach you
The truth it tells.
Take a breath
Don't look at the clock.
July 10, 2013
Dial-Up Dandy
I took a break from working on my dark novel, Requiem. I've got ideas for at least two new characters, and the meshing of my own experiences, mixed with fiction, is melding nicely. In a way, this is my 'stripper novel'. It's been much easier to write about the stripper lifestyle since leaving the industry, perhaps since I'm no longer battling the frustration and anxiety about being involved in it.
I check my phone- someone has tweeted me back, both of us comparing how much writing procrastination/Twitter stalking we're guilty of. We agree that we need to put Twitter down.
It makes me think back on the earlier Internet days. When I was still living with my mom, using a mind-numbingly slow dial-up connection. Yahoo chat rooms were my thing back then- do they still exist? There was one or two that I would frequent on a daily basis, and there would be a lot of the same people always in them. I was way younger than everyone in them, and I always wondered about their lives, if they still managed to crank out a worthy existence while obviously glued to their computer seat (yes, this was before worldwide mobile phone usage, and apps). After a few weeks, these little chat rooms would start to feel comfortable and fun, and I would get enthusiastically greeted upon "entering". I miss those chat rooms.
At the foolish and horny age of eighteen, I even had a one-night stand with a much older chat room user that I had been chatting with for several months & had developed a very flirtatious (as in naughty web-cam back & forths) relationship with. Looking back at how very, very, bad that situation could have turned out, I would bitch slap the fuck out of my 18-year old self. Lucky for me, he was the same funny, intelligent, ballroom dance instructor that I had been chatting too, and we had a great night together. (My 18-year old self wasn't completely driven by hormones- I did have a jack knife in my purse, which I kept right by the bed. 'Cuz even she understood to a degree that you never know.)
Oh, and DID I catch shit when I got home!! (Someone forgot to let her best friend know that she had told her mom that she was spending the night, and that that friend should cover for said girl in case unsuspecting mother called the friend's house.)
Busted.
I check my phone- someone has tweeted me back, both of us comparing how much writing procrastination/Twitter stalking we're guilty of. We agree that we need to put Twitter down.
It makes me think back on the earlier Internet days. When I was still living with my mom, using a mind-numbingly slow dial-up connection. Yahoo chat rooms were my thing back then- do they still exist? There was one or two that I would frequent on a daily basis, and there would be a lot of the same people always in them. I was way younger than everyone in them, and I always wondered about their lives, if they still managed to crank out a worthy existence while obviously glued to their computer seat (yes, this was before worldwide mobile phone usage, and apps). After a few weeks, these little chat rooms would start to feel comfortable and fun, and I would get enthusiastically greeted upon "entering". I miss those chat rooms.
At the foolish and horny age of eighteen, I even had a one-night stand with a much older chat room user that I had been chatting with for several months & had developed a very flirtatious (as in naughty web-cam back & forths) relationship with. Looking back at how very, very, bad that situation could have turned out, I would bitch slap the fuck out of my 18-year old self. Lucky for me, he was the same funny, intelligent, ballroom dance instructor that I had been chatting too, and we had a great night together. (My 18-year old self wasn't completely driven by hormones- I did have a jack knife in my purse, which I kept right by the bed. 'Cuz even she understood to a degree that you never know.)
Oh, and DID I catch shit when I got home!! (Someone forgot to let her best friend know that she had told her mom that she was spending the night, and that that friend should cover for said girl in case unsuspecting mother called the friend's house.)
Busted.
July 06, 2013
Anouk: Modern World
Beautiful Day. At the end of a transitional, fairly successful week.
I've been hired at a local retail joint, and I'm still amazed at how much easier the job hunt was/is without the club hanging over my head. I can't describe how uncomfortable it was, pretending not to be a dancer looking for a job. It's akin to going back to school after you get your first period. It feels like everyone knows, and its mega-paranoia time.
Is this how every ex-dancer feels, once they've taken the plunge and gotten out of the lifestyle? Like I've shed a dirty old ragged skin that no longer fit. I feel cleaner, refreshed, and I've gotten a good dose of my confidence and self-esteem back that had been overshadowed by The Pole.
Fuck that Pole.
The lover and I tried out Bagelicious II for breakfast today. Cute little place, good coffee. The bagels? ...Eh.
We traveled out to his father's camp later, and I met his other brother, his wife, and their adorable daughter. Such fat cheeks!!
The lake is quite high, no surprise there. It was beautiful out today, and I wish I could stand the heat better.
The month of June flew by, and it was a stressful, busy month. Good riddance! I only feel a little panicky about losing a whole month of summer where I didn't pack in enough summer activities. However, I got a B in that awful Spanish class, so June can fuck itself.
;)
K
I've been hired at a local retail joint, and I'm still amazed at how much easier the job hunt was/is without the club hanging over my head. I can't describe how uncomfortable it was, pretending not to be a dancer looking for a job. It's akin to going back to school after you get your first period. It feels like everyone knows, and its mega-paranoia time.
Is this how every ex-dancer feels, once they've taken the plunge and gotten out of the lifestyle? Like I've shed a dirty old ragged skin that no longer fit. I feel cleaner, refreshed, and I've gotten a good dose of my confidence and self-esteem back that had been overshadowed by The Pole.
Fuck that Pole.
The lover and I tried out Bagelicious II for breakfast today. Cute little place, good coffee. The bagels? ...Eh.
We traveled out to his father's camp later, and I met his other brother, his wife, and their adorable daughter. Such fat cheeks!!
The lake is quite high, no surprise there. It was beautiful out today, and I wish I could stand the heat better.
The month of June flew by, and it was a stressful, busy month. Good riddance! I only feel a little panicky about losing a whole month of summer where I didn't pack in enough summer activities. However, I got a B in that awful Spanish class, so June can fuck itself.
;)
K
July 04, 2013
Happy 4th!
Song on my iPod:
Got to Get It
Sisqo (remember him?) , Year of the Dragon (2000)
This song always reminds me of the first farm I worked on; learning how to drive tractor, more specifically trying to back the feed wagon out of the feed bunker.
I know, very bizarre association and I can't explain it. Somehow, the two got clipped together in my memory bank. My, how long ago that was!! Those memories just seem like movie clips now, not experiences. I guess that's what happens when you get older, eh? Man, by the time I'm seventy I'll have quite the Emmy collection ;)
I quit the club last week. I was driving home from the kitty shelter and decided to leap off a cliff and just shed that shit already. It was a little nirvana-ish. I've gotten back tons of congratulations and support, it makes me laugh at how obvious it is of the low place in our society that the stripper lifestyle holds.
Can I get a restart?
First interview Tuesday.
K
Got to Get It
Sisqo (remember him?) , Year of the Dragon (2000)
This song always reminds me of the first farm I worked on; learning how to drive tractor, more specifically trying to back the feed wagon out of the feed bunker.
I know, very bizarre association and I can't explain it. Somehow, the two got clipped together in my memory bank. My, how long ago that was!! Those memories just seem like movie clips now, not experiences. I guess that's what happens when you get older, eh? Man, by the time I'm seventy I'll have quite the Emmy collection ;)
I quit the club last week. I was driving home from the kitty shelter and decided to leap off a cliff and just shed that shit already. It was a little nirvana-ish. I've gotten back tons of congratulations and support, it makes me laugh at how obvious it is of the low place in our society that the stripper lifestyle holds.
Can I get a restart?
First interview Tuesday.
K
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)