My father called me on my birthday. I was very surprised to see his caller ID, and it made me immediately happy and nervous. I had to suppress giggling- oh, that nervous tick. I figured he had probably called my sister first, and she had cajoled him into calling me, but she said he didn't call her.
He sounded very upbeat, and we had a nice conversation. But now I'm intensely curious- why now, after so many years of not calling? What is going on in his life to change his pattern? Why did he sound so happy? My father is a creature of habit, it coincides with the alcoholism. I know it's a very morbid thought, but I couldn't help but wonder if he's sick, and is trying to amend things before he passes. I know, I know, but the man has been a lifelong smoker and heavy drinker. Like, since he was about 14.
I've often wondered if my dancing career was what made him stop communicating with me. No father wants his daughter dancing, and as far as I know him, I could see him backing away because of it. My mother blames his behavior completely on the alcoholism, of course, which yes, is about 80% of it. But still, why would he call my sister on her birthday, but never me on mine? Or call her on Christmas but not call me?
Before his phone call, I was considering writing him a letter and letting him know how I felt, how his uneven affections for his children hurt, and let him know I wasn't dancing anymore. It was going to be my last effort to create some kind of relationship with him. Now, I don't know. I think I'll just send him a card, maybe a late Christmas card.
KR
December 30, 2013
December 18, 2013
Tribe Maintenance
I have quite the beautiful, snowy, country scene out my window. Snow covered trees, a fenceline, and a falling down barn. In fact, inside that barn lives a barn kitty named Gray Stripe. Don't worry, he's a well-fed barn cat.
I am meeting up with a friend in a little while to have a good meal and catch-up. My friend M is a member of my tribe, he's one of those old-fashioned country bumpkins that's happiest when he's up in his tree stand. I have incorporated his character into my novel, in fact. His farmstead is a place of refuge for my main character when she needs to get away.
I have my Christmas shopping about half done. Every year I always wonder if I'll ever really get into the spirit like some people do. If I had gobs of money, would that do it? It would make gift-buying easier, but would it change my "Eh" attitude about it? The closest I come is when I happen upon the "perfect" gift for someone, I get a little thrill of excitement. I do admit, it would be nice to have gobs of money to perhaps change up the decorations, and do a whole holiday theme.
A Goth Christmas would be fun, I think.
K
I am meeting up with a friend in a little while to have a good meal and catch-up. My friend M is a member of my tribe, he's one of those old-fashioned country bumpkins that's happiest when he's up in his tree stand. I have incorporated his character into my novel, in fact. His farmstead is a place of refuge for my main character when she needs to get away.
I have my Christmas shopping about half done. Every year I always wonder if I'll ever really get into the spirit like some people do. If I had gobs of money, would that do it? It would make gift-buying easier, but would it change my "Eh" attitude about it? The closest I come is when I happen upon the "perfect" gift for someone, I get a little thrill of excitement. I do admit, it would be nice to have gobs of money to perhaps change up the decorations, and do a whole holiday theme.
A Goth Christmas would be fun, I think.
K
December 15, 2013
Puurrrfecct
Soundtrack:
Britney Spears, "Tick Tick Boom"
Both Britney and Bey have recently come out with new shit that I'm digging. Yes, Britney is a pop princess, but she's got 21st century soul. Her music is very honest and emotional, and add a good bass, I'm hooked. I still remember standing in line at Price Chopper and copping the picture of her crazy shaved ass swinging the umbrella. Like, woah. Beyonce- what do I even have to say? She's still a mystery to me, those fuckin' eyes of her....and gf can sing. She blows Britney out of the water, yes I know.
Anyway, having a much needed space-out moment. Work is going very well, and is very busy. I've been doing 8-4 hours, and let me tell you, at about 3 p.m. my patience is just about all done. Trying to work around crowds of people is so very annoying. Kids screaming over toys they're not getting, rude ass women (men are much more polite than women shoppers) using their shopping carts as a plow, let me tell you.
But I love it :D It's been quite an experience already.
It's been a great year, folks. I'm happier than I've been in years. Sometimes it still seems like a dream.
K
p.s. I have finished reading a whole book since the last entry-murder mystery involving people also crazy about books. How's that cosmic realignment for you? ;)
Britney Spears, "Tick Tick Boom"
Both Britney and Bey have recently come out with new shit that I'm digging. Yes, Britney is a pop princess, but she's got 21st century soul. Her music is very honest and emotional, and add a good bass, I'm hooked. I still remember standing in line at Price Chopper and copping the picture of her crazy shaved ass swinging the umbrella. Like, woah. Beyonce- what do I even have to say? She's still a mystery to me, those fuckin' eyes of her....and gf can sing. She blows Britney out of the water, yes I know.
Anyway, having a much needed space-out moment. Work is going very well, and is very busy. I've been doing 8-4 hours, and let me tell you, at about 3 p.m. my patience is just about all done. Trying to work around crowds of people is so very annoying. Kids screaming over toys they're not getting, rude ass women (men are much more polite than women shoppers) using their shopping carts as a plow, let me tell you.
But I love it :D It's been quite an experience already.
It's been a great year, folks. I'm happier than I've been in years. Sometimes it still seems like a dream.
K
p.s. I have finished reading a whole book since the last entry-murder mystery involving people also crazy about books. How's that cosmic realignment for you? ;)
December 05, 2013
Reading Woes
As those that know me know, I have always been a bibliophile- I love books, I love to smell them, caress them, turn the pages, etc.
I read constantly as a kid; looking back at it, perhaps diving into a story was the way I handled my anxiety. I had a couple of friends who lived down the street from me in Syracuse, and they would walk over to play. I would beg them to come back in 15, 20 minutes, so I could finish the gripping part of the story I was in.
In grammar school, when we would all line up to go to art class, gym class, or the cafeteria, I would read while walking along in line. The teachers loved it, and yes, I did it partly to show off. But I was quite good at it- I never (well, rarely) bumped into the kid ahead of me and always handled the corners like an expert.
My 6th grade teacher-bless her fucking soul- would get us lined up to the tune of Carmen. She would clap her hands to the rhythm, and we would line up, and started clapping along with her. She was always quite amused by the adult titles I would pick, stuff that you'd never see an 11-year old reading. I did trudge through some boring ass shit, just for the attention it would garner. To this day, I still don't understand the big hubbah over Great Expectations by Charles Dickens. I need to re-read it, I definitely read that one too young.And I distinctly remember her tittering over Waiting for Godot. She knew I didn't know what the hell I was reading, but she was tickled pink by my effort.
As an adult, I find it extremely difficult to get into books the way I would as a kid. I had no problem reading for hours, but it's very hard for me to just sit and read. I get a guilty complex- why am I just sitting here, "doing nothing"? Why aren't the dishes done? Why am I not working on my novel?
While I was dancing, I found that reading a book I was super interested in, was a good way to drum up some business on slow days. 'Cuz mother fuckers always wanted to come in and start talking to me when I was in the middle of a great paranormal vampire sex scene (a.k.a. anything written by J.D. Ward). I always had to take a deep, calming breath while putting the book down, I would be so annoyed. Despite needing the money, and oh yeah- being at work.
I hate that I can't get into reading the same way, but I am determined to at least make some headway. I'm breaking down my own barriers about what's "acceptable" to read, and what's not. Woman, read what the hell peaks your interests, even it's "below your standards". Yes, I'm a book snob.
There will be a similar post soon, about the digitizing of libraries and my horror over that. Don't even get me started.
But for now, I have a lesbian jealousy fight to get through in my novel. Oh, there will also be a prostitute and hot makeup sex (not with the prostitute).
K
I read constantly as a kid; looking back at it, perhaps diving into a story was the way I handled my anxiety. I had a couple of friends who lived down the street from me in Syracuse, and they would walk over to play. I would beg them to come back in 15, 20 minutes, so I could finish the gripping part of the story I was in.
In grammar school, when we would all line up to go to art class, gym class, or the cafeteria, I would read while walking along in line. The teachers loved it, and yes, I did it partly to show off. But I was quite good at it- I never (well, rarely) bumped into the kid ahead of me and always handled the corners like an expert.
My 6th grade teacher-bless her fucking soul- would get us lined up to the tune of Carmen. She would clap her hands to the rhythm, and we would line up, and started clapping along with her. She was always quite amused by the adult titles I would pick, stuff that you'd never see an 11-year old reading. I did trudge through some boring ass shit, just for the attention it would garner. To this day, I still don't understand the big hubbah over Great Expectations by Charles Dickens. I need to re-read it, I definitely read that one too young.And I distinctly remember her tittering over Waiting for Godot. She knew I didn't know what the hell I was reading, but she was tickled pink by my effort.
As an adult, I find it extremely difficult to get into books the way I would as a kid. I had no problem reading for hours, but it's very hard for me to just sit and read. I get a guilty complex- why am I just sitting here, "doing nothing"? Why aren't the dishes done? Why am I not working on my novel?
While I was dancing, I found that reading a book I was super interested in, was a good way to drum up some business on slow days. 'Cuz mother fuckers always wanted to come in and start talking to me when I was in the middle of a great paranormal vampire sex scene (a.k.a. anything written by J.D. Ward). I always had to take a deep, calming breath while putting the book down, I would be so annoyed. Despite needing the money, and oh yeah- being at work.
I hate that I can't get into reading the same way, but I am determined to at least make some headway. I'm breaking down my own barriers about what's "acceptable" to read, and what's not. Woman, read what the hell peaks your interests, even it's "below your standards". Yes, I'm a book snob.
There will be a similar post soon, about the digitizing of libraries and my horror over that. Don't even get me started.
But for now, I have a lesbian jealousy fight to get through in my novel. Oh, there will also be a prostitute and hot makeup sex (not with the prostitute).
K
December 02, 2013
Ahhh
Good morning, loves. I am enjoying a nice peaceful, Internet browsing morning. There are a pair of chickadees outside of my window that are squabbling over that bird pussy. Silly, stupid birds. I remember when I was starting puberty and looking through the "Where do Babies Come From?" classic, I wondered if the chickens got any pleasure from copulation. Or the dog- did she enjoyed getting fucked? Yes, this was my nine-year old brain. And yes, I started getting tits when I was nine.
Annnyywayyys, I had a long weekend. But I feel like I'm more seasoned, having experienced Black Friday as a retail drone. I'm grateful that I don't work at the big box stores, however- I'm sure their weekend was much more hectic than mine. But I am tired of being around people, and my self-imposed silence is wonderful. No Christmas music playing at this house, no sir.
I had a great Thanksgiving, as well. The weather cooperated so A & I could venture out to Rochester to visit family. I saw one of the biggest motherfuckin' dogs ever in my life at a dog park there.
NaNoWriMo Results: I only made it to 20,735 words. Far short of the 50,000 word goal, however it is a personal best for me. And I have the rest of the story planned out, and character development is coming along. I am dreading the climax though- I'm going to have to kill off a beloved character, and I'm not looking forward to it. But I do want to be done with this work, and move on to something else. This novel is in a way, exorcising some of my own personal demons, or at least a part of my history that I wish to shed.
K
Annnyywayyys, I had a long weekend. But I feel like I'm more seasoned, having experienced Black Friday as a retail drone. I'm grateful that I don't work at the big box stores, however- I'm sure their weekend was much more hectic than mine. But I am tired of being around people, and my self-imposed silence is wonderful. No Christmas music playing at this house, no sir.
I had a great Thanksgiving, as well. The weather cooperated so A & I could venture out to Rochester to visit family. I saw one of the biggest motherfuckin' dogs ever in my life at a dog park there.
NaNoWriMo Results: I only made it to 20,735 words. Far short of the 50,000 word goal, however it is a personal best for me. And I have the rest of the story planned out, and character development is coming along. I am dreading the climax though- I'm going to have to kill off a beloved character, and I'm not looking forward to it. But I do want to be done with this work, and move on to something else. This novel is in a way, exorcising some of my own personal demons, or at least a part of my history that I wish to shed.
K
November 28, 2013
Not Just a Day of Thanks
I wanted to wish all my fans and readers a Happy Thanksgiving!
Make sure you realize all your blessings, big and small, in your life, and just be a good person!
I have so much to be thankful for, I've come a long way this year and I couldn't be happier :)
One last thing- stuff your fucking face ALL DAY!! :D
K
Make sure you realize all your blessings, big and small, in your life, and just be a good person!
I have so much to be thankful for, I've come a long way this year and I couldn't be happier :)
One last thing- stuff your fucking face ALL DAY!! :D
K
November 20, 2013
Keep Her or Kill Her?
Playlist: Korn, "Never Never"
I'm having one of those moments when I really wish I had my own personal stage and pole, with a banging ass sound system and soundproofing. I would blast the fuck out of this song and get a great workout. Would I do it naked? I'm not sure, I mean you can't stick to the pole with clothes on, so....I would choreograph the shit out of the songs too, it would be awesome. Someday.
I've been having an internal debate about the future of Kelly Raine. I sort of want to drop her ass, and just bury all my naked misdemeanors. She doesn't fit me anymore, and I don't want to be haunted by her stupid demons anymore. However, I am still participating in NaNoWriMo, and this novel would be published under that ...er, alias.
For a little background on her, I first penned that personality back in about 2003 (eek!) when I started writing erotic poetry. My erotic poetry was pretty damn spicy, too, and the collection was published in 2005. Each poem was written while I was ovulating and the rush of hormones translated into words well. There were a few poems written every month, har har.
I guess this blog is safe as long as November is here. I'll check back in soon.
K
I'm having one of those moments when I really wish I had my own personal stage and pole, with a banging ass sound system and soundproofing. I would blast the fuck out of this song and get a great workout. Would I do it naked? I'm not sure, I mean you can't stick to the pole with clothes on, so....I would choreograph the shit out of the songs too, it would be awesome. Someday.
I've been having an internal debate about the future of Kelly Raine. I sort of want to drop her ass, and just bury all my naked misdemeanors. She doesn't fit me anymore, and I don't want to be haunted by her stupid demons anymore. However, I am still participating in NaNoWriMo, and this novel would be published under that ...er, alias.
For a little background on her, I first penned that personality back in about 2003 (eek!) when I started writing erotic poetry. My erotic poetry was pretty damn spicy, too, and the collection was published in 2005. Each poem was written while I was ovulating and the rush of hormones translated into words well. There were a few poems written every month, har har.
I guess this blog is safe as long as November is here. I'll check back in soon.
K
October 31, 2013
Library Love
Have I ever shared how much I LOVE libraries? I am currently sitting in my "new" local one, since a) I need new reading material and b) I don't have home internet at the moment. The state of the local library whenever I move somewhere new is a big factor in how I feel about my new digs. When my mom moved us out to Elbridge, I was so disappointed in both the Elbridge AND Jordan libraries, both small and outdated.
Anywayyyss....the lover & I are done moving, thank god. I turned in all the keys and related paraphanelia to the office today and we'll see how much $$ they try to weasel out of the security deposit. I am very grateful that we had no rain while we were performing such an arduous task, and now that I think about it, a good number of moves I have done in my life so far have been in the late fall, with a decent amount of nasty cold precip.
And before you ask, No, I don't give a shit about Halloween. I'm tired, my body hurts, and I have a headcold. I don't care this year, maybe next year. Am I going to eat a copious amount of candy as if I did participate in festivities? Yes, I sure will. In fact, my bf bought a HUGE Hershey's candy bar last night, like a frickin' $12 one. Even I wouldn't spend that much on a candy bar. <3
I was sad cleaning out the old place. We have good memories there; it was such a safe, calm haven after he plucked me out of the ghetto. I was sad to see it empty. However- onward and upward!!
One more day of work before I can sleep like I need to, and organize the house....one more day......
Have a ghoulish night, y'all.
K
Anywayyyss....the lover & I are done moving, thank god. I turned in all the keys and related paraphanelia to the office today and we'll see how much $$ they try to weasel out of the security deposit. I am very grateful that we had no rain while we were performing such an arduous task, and now that I think about it, a good number of moves I have done in my life so far have been in the late fall, with a decent amount of nasty cold precip.
And before you ask, No, I don't give a shit about Halloween. I'm tired, my body hurts, and I have a headcold. I don't care this year, maybe next year. Am I going to eat a copious amount of candy as if I did participate in festivities? Yes, I sure will. In fact, my bf bought a HUGE Hershey's candy bar last night, like a frickin' $12 one. Even I wouldn't spend that much on a candy bar. <3
I was sad cleaning out the old place. We have good memories there; it was such a safe, calm haven after he plucked me out of the ghetto. I was sad to see it empty. However- onward and upward!!
One more day of work before I can sleep like I need to, and organize the house....one more day......
Have a ghoulish night, y'all.
K
October 22, 2013
WIP
For those of you not in the writing know, WIP is Work In Progress. Not the same as whip, of which there are many variations, levels of pain, AND can be quite fun ;)
I have been working on my debut novel-no, not the vampire one, that one has been retired. It's not that I'm sick of vampires, although the gigantic surge in popularity the last 10 years was unexpected, its just that there are so many bad renditions of the legend that I'm sorta tuned out, I guess.
The one I'm working on now is tentatively titled Requiem, and I'm 20 pages in. Unlike the vampire effort, I know how this one is going to flow, I know the climax *giggle*, and the denouement.
It is going to be a dark fiction novel, a storyline woven around a stark portrayal of the exotic dancing subculture I was once involved in. While it will encompass many less-than-stellar factors of the stripping lifestyle, there will also be many elements of dancing that were fun and made good memories.
Stay tuned!
K
I have been working on my debut novel-no, not the vampire one, that one has been retired. It's not that I'm sick of vampires, although the gigantic surge in popularity the last 10 years was unexpected, its just that there are so many bad renditions of the legend that I'm sorta tuned out, I guess.
The one I'm working on now is tentatively titled Requiem, and I'm 20 pages in. Unlike the vampire effort, I know how this one is going to flow, I know the climax *giggle*, and the denouement.
It is going to be a dark fiction novel, a storyline woven around a stark portrayal of the exotic dancing subculture I was once involved in. While it will encompass many less-than-stellar factors of the stripping lifestyle, there will also be many elements of dancing that were fun and made good memories.
Stay tuned!
K
October 19, 2013
Late Night Thoughts
"Fuck the fame/ I'm a simply man"
"Tell me is it cool to fuck?/ Did you think I came to talk?/ Am I a fool or what?"
It's 11:03 and I should be in bed. I was at work till almost ten and I'm almost ready to sleep.
The lover and I dropped off our first load to the new place, we're both excited about being out in the country :) What I'm not looking forward to is driving around there.....we'll see how brutal this winter turns out to be be. Can't prevent it anyway :P It's not like I haven't driven in plenty of inclemental weather, that's for damn sure. I was thinking the other day how I've never *knocks on wood* hit a deer, although I have certainly had to slam on the brakes for them plenty of times. I don't know how I made it to work on the farm sometimes, driving half-asleep. Deer were often my second alarm clock, lol. WIDE AWAKE NOW, THANKS!
Can I discuss the topic of anxiety for a moment? I have always had anxiety, from being a small child on up, however I only put a name to it and figured out what that awful feeling was around age 25. I really didn't know what anxiety was until then, even though I have always dealt with it. I worried about everything when I was a kid, & I was shy and withdrawn. Riding the school bus was often a huge task, and I was so terrified of getting on the wrong bus, or missing my bus and not getting home. I was part of the team in my high school that put together the first ever literary journal for that school, and I loved it. However, having to ride the late bus was so nerve-racking, I didn't always go to meetings b/c I couldn't face having to ride the late bus.
In July I was dealing with New Job Anxiety, and here I am again in October dealing with the same. I AM NOT COMPLAINING, and I understand that it is what it is, and it will pass, just as it did for the first non-naked job. But it's so annoying. I hate the tightness in my chest and back, and the rapid heartbeat. Not to mention the fleeting moments of nausea. Oh yeah, that's all me, nice little nutcase package. I get annoyed with it when I'm working, like GO AWAY! Followed by: Just breathe, bitch. And to my credit, I have made tremendous progress this year, and have gotten pretty stupendous at working through it. It's not something that I let hold me back, and well, you just get kinda used to being uncomfortable.
New Job is also Lonely Time, when you haven't really made any work buddies and it's awkward when you enter the break room. Not that I give a fuck what any of the non-manager staff think of me, but it just makes me think of my former naked buddies, and how close we were in a way, due to the nudity. Working at this particular place also makes me miss my best friend, whom I used to shop there with once upon a time. I need more adult gfs :( Got plenty of dysfunctional ones to hang with, but I'm not interested anymore.
Those that know me know that I'm obsessed with the Kardashians, especially Kim and her fat ass, but in their defense, they have given me a powerful tool-the saying: Fake it Till You Make It. I'm sure they weren't the first to say such, but they are the ones I associate with it and it really helps for dealing with moments of anxiety. Fake It Till You Make It, Baby. Even when you feel like shit, and you're a basketcase inside, act like a fucking Queen. Till you can afford to be yourself again, har har.
Fuck the Haters, is another that's often tossed around. Gathering a bit of arrogance around you can be a strong armor, when needed :P
Thanks for listening,
K
"Tell me is it cool to fuck?/ Did you think I came to talk?/ Am I a fool or what?"
It's 11:03 and I should be in bed. I was at work till almost ten and I'm almost ready to sleep.
The lover and I dropped off our first load to the new place, we're both excited about being out in the country :) What I'm not looking forward to is driving around there.....we'll see how brutal this winter turns out to be be. Can't prevent it anyway :P It's not like I haven't driven in plenty of inclemental weather, that's for damn sure. I was thinking the other day how I've never *knocks on wood* hit a deer, although I have certainly had to slam on the brakes for them plenty of times. I don't know how I made it to work on the farm sometimes, driving half-asleep. Deer were often my second alarm clock, lol. WIDE AWAKE NOW, THANKS!
Can I discuss the topic of anxiety for a moment? I have always had anxiety, from being a small child on up, however I only put a name to it and figured out what that awful feeling was around age 25. I really didn't know what anxiety was until then, even though I have always dealt with it. I worried about everything when I was a kid, & I was shy and withdrawn. Riding the school bus was often a huge task, and I was so terrified of getting on the wrong bus, or missing my bus and not getting home. I was part of the team in my high school that put together the first ever literary journal for that school, and I loved it. However, having to ride the late bus was so nerve-racking, I didn't always go to meetings b/c I couldn't face having to ride the late bus.
In July I was dealing with New Job Anxiety, and here I am again in October dealing with the same. I AM NOT COMPLAINING, and I understand that it is what it is, and it will pass, just as it did for the first non-naked job. But it's so annoying. I hate the tightness in my chest and back, and the rapid heartbeat. Not to mention the fleeting moments of nausea. Oh yeah, that's all me, nice little nutcase package. I get annoyed with it when I'm working, like GO AWAY! Followed by: Just breathe, bitch. And to my credit, I have made tremendous progress this year, and have gotten pretty stupendous at working through it. It's not something that I let hold me back, and well, you just get kinda used to being uncomfortable.
New Job is also Lonely Time, when you haven't really made any work buddies and it's awkward when you enter the break room. Not that I give a fuck what any of the non-manager staff think of me, but it just makes me think of my former naked buddies, and how close we were in a way, due to the nudity. Working at this particular place also makes me miss my best friend, whom I used to shop there with once upon a time. I need more adult gfs :( Got plenty of dysfunctional ones to hang with, but I'm not interested anymore.
Those that know me know that I'm obsessed with the Kardashians, especially Kim and her fat ass, but in their defense, they have given me a powerful tool-the saying: Fake it Till You Make It. I'm sure they weren't the first to say such, but they are the ones I associate with it and it really helps for dealing with moments of anxiety. Fake It Till You Make It, Baby. Even when you feel like shit, and you're a basketcase inside, act like a fucking Queen. Till you can afford to be yourself again, har har.
Fuck the Haters, is another that's often tossed around. Gathering a bit of arrogance around you can be a strong armor, when needed :P
Thanks for listening,
K
October 16, 2013
Orange, Red, and Yellow
I think that the fall season definitely rivals even the spring season, in terms of beauty and color. I love the palette-oranges, reds, and yellows. It's so sad once all the leaves fall off and you're stuck in ugly November. I always make sure to pay attention to the foliage, because I know how quickly it dies off. Sleep, my tree elders....sleep. Have wonderful tree dreams, about sturdy roots, water & sun!
I was going to play some TombRaider on the Xbox360 for a bit, but I couldn't get Lara's damn lariat to catch on the rocks, and it tired me out. Plus, even a digital fat ass is still a fat ass, very distracting. Ah, Angelina, when you still had some fat on your bones....
Working at my current favorite-place-to-shop can also be distracting, there are so many fabulous items all around me all the time, my god the purses!! The heels!
Which brings me to the next bullet-point: living simple, off the land vs. consumerism, plugged in. If you're a fan of the History Channel's Alaska: The Last Frontier, you are aware of the rugged lifestyle of the Kitchers. That is the definition of simple living, and we should all be living like that. Damn the complexities of a global market economy!!
However, for someone who grew up only a few clicks away from that, I can't help but crave the opposite. Hey, skinny babies grow up to be big people, and vice versus- it 's the way of the world, I didn't design it. I want tons of purses and shoes and ridiculously priced t-shirts. Just kidding, even if I had all the money in the world, I would not buy $45 t-shirts. That's bullshit. Howweevveerrr, I would drop a couple hundred on purses and shoes. But those last a lot longer than a t-shirt, see my logic?
I certainly understand the rugged lifestyle, I get it 100%. And I'm okay ending up doing about 50-60% of it. A bit more if I get to writing full-time. Write for a few hours, then go out and feed the animals and shovel some shit- who wouldn't want that lifestyle? Away from large amounts of people? Growing your own food?
I just also want to be able to go shopping :p
K
I was going to play some TombRaider on the Xbox360 for a bit, but I couldn't get Lara's damn lariat to catch on the rocks, and it tired me out. Plus, even a digital fat ass is still a fat ass, very distracting. Ah, Angelina, when you still had some fat on your bones....
Working at my current favorite-place-to-shop can also be distracting, there are so many fabulous items all around me all the time, my god the purses!! The heels!
Which brings me to the next bullet-point: living simple, off the land vs. consumerism, plugged in. If you're a fan of the History Channel's Alaska: The Last Frontier, you are aware of the rugged lifestyle of the Kitchers. That is the definition of simple living, and we should all be living like that. Damn the complexities of a global market economy!!
However, for someone who grew up only a few clicks away from that, I can't help but crave the opposite. Hey, skinny babies grow up to be big people, and vice versus- it 's the way of the world, I didn't design it. I want tons of purses and shoes and ridiculously priced t-shirts. Just kidding, even if I had all the money in the world, I would not buy $45 t-shirts. That's bullshit. Howweevveerrr, I would drop a couple hundred on purses and shoes. But those last a lot longer than a t-shirt, see my logic?
I certainly understand the rugged lifestyle, I get it 100%. And I'm okay ending up doing about 50-60% of it. A bit more if I get to writing full-time. Write for a few hours, then go out and feed the animals and shovel some shit- who wouldn't want that lifestyle? Away from large amounts of people? Growing your own food?
I just also want to be able to go shopping :p
K
October 09, 2013
Juggling
I'm feeling better today. At work I learned how to use the markdown machines, which is a bit tedious, but its busywork which makes the time go by faster. A little more confident today, a little more knowledgeable. It's such a better organized place than my previous place of employment, thank god. You can tell that it's taken a lot of effort and maneuvering to get the system that they have now, and it works well.
I think I'm getting better at juggling several different venues of creative interest, put in a little bit of time here, a little bit of time there. It still drives me a bit crazy to not be able to dive 100% into a project, but I'm learning to appropriate time and effort and spread it all around.
And because the holidays are almost upon us, I've updated my Amazon Wishlist:
http://www.amazon.com/registry/wishlist/S6ULY586JPYA/ref=cm_sw_r_tw_ws_FJBvsb1ATY3AB
I got several items off my list last year, due to some awesome blog readers, thank you again!!
Just a thought ;)
Kelly
I think I'm getting better at juggling several different venues of creative interest, put in a little bit of time here, a little bit of time there. It still drives me a bit crazy to not be able to dive 100% into a project, but I'm learning to appropriate time and effort and spread it all around.
And because the holidays are almost upon us, I've updated my Amazon Wishlist:
http://www.amazon.com/registry/wishlist/S6ULY586JPYA/ref=cm_sw_r_tw_ws_FJBvsb1ATY3AB
I got several items off my list last year, due to some awesome blog readers, thank you again!!
Just a thought ;)
Kelly
October 08, 2013
Impatient Part II
In kinda a funk today. Part of it is being the new person at work, even though there's many of us new associates. I haven't heard back from the better-paying job, which is disappointing, but oh well. My retail career goes on.
I think I'm just mentally exhausted. I've made great strides in eliminating unnecessary anxiety that I used to carry around, simply because I couldn't afford to let it have me lose out on opportunities this year. And I'm very proud of myself, for how much I've kicked my own ass into gear, but I'm tired. The lazy bitch inside of me wants to go back to dancing, and having money handed to me for doing nothing but looking pretty. Oh, and being naked. Ahh, the good ole pre-recession days of stripping. Forever put to rest.
I remind myself that I've always loved this place where I work now, and I'm proud of myself for making a mini-dream come true. However, it's a bit akin to torture- there are so many clothes, handbags, and heels all around that I fucking want. I talk to them while I organize, tag and put them away- I tell them how beautiful they are and when I'm rich I'm going to buy them all. I think they're comforted. Probably more than I am.
K
I think I'm just mentally exhausted. I've made great strides in eliminating unnecessary anxiety that I used to carry around, simply because I couldn't afford to let it have me lose out on opportunities this year. And I'm very proud of myself, for how much I've kicked my own ass into gear, but I'm tired. The lazy bitch inside of me wants to go back to dancing, and having money handed to me for doing nothing but looking pretty. Oh, and being naked. Ahh, the good ole pre-recession days of stripping. Forever put to rest.
I remind myself that I've always loved this place where I work now, and I'm proud of myself for making a mini-dream come true. However, it's a bit akin to torture- there are so many clothes, handbags, and heels all around that I fucking want. I talk to them while I organize, tag and put them away- I tell them how beautiful they are and when I'm rich I'm going to buy them all. I think they're comforted. Probably more than I am.
K
October 01, 2013
Hardball
I have a second interview for the better paying job on Thursday, and as much as I thought I was planning out my career, maybe it's going to end up in a different, more lucrative, place. That's perfectly okay with me, I need to make more money and I have total faith that I would kick-ass at this job. Eventually, that is- there's a lot to learn.
One of the benefits of working at my current place is that I get to make use of my Spanish language knowledge. There's a pretty sizable demographic of Hispanic customers, so it's at least a weekly thing that I am called to help with a conversation or transaction. However, each interaction reminds me that I need to bone up on it, also :P
I really hope I get good news at this interview!
Oh, and one more small Public Service Announcement:
This blog is about a chic who is all about moving forward in her life. As in, continually making progress, and building a better future. If you've been left behind, you can be sure there's plenty good reason. And if you're not down with that, then maybe you shouldn't read it.
K
One of the benefits of working at my current place is that I get to make use of my Spanish language knowledge. There's a pretty sizable demographic of Hispanic customers, so it's at least a weekly thing that I am called to help with a conversation or transaction. However, each interaction reminds me that I need to bone up on it, also :P
I really hope I get good news at this interview!
Oh, and one more small Public Service Announcement:
This blog is about a chic who is all about moving forward in her life. As in, continually making progress, and building a better future. If you've been left behind, you can be sure there's plenty good reason. And if you're not down with that, then maybe you shouldn't read it.
K
September 29, 2013
September 27, 2013
It's Friday, Bitches!
Hello there.
Posting to you from our amazing bed, in pajamas, w/ a warm purring kitty next to me.
I had a very productive, busy week & am going to reward myself w/ a nap for a little bit. Mmmm, sleep.
I had two job interviews on Wednesday, both of them went well & I heard back from one yesterday w/ a job offer! So excited- I'm gng to try to pursue my dream of becoming a fashion buyer someday. I would love that, although if something better paying comes along.....hmm, I don't know. We'll see how it goes. There's lots of opportunity to grow w/ this company, and if I could work up to being a buyer for them, that would be ideal. Pretty sure I need a Bachelors degree, which I plan on pursuing next fall. Maybe earlier than that if I think I'm ready to buckle down again, haha.
Ok, I'm gng to pass out for a bit. Then I have a haircut & color appointment & some catch-up w/ my (ex) gf later #girlyday
K
September 24, 2013
Memory Anxiety
Good morning. I slept in this morning, as I don't work until 4:30. Ah, the good ole part-time, all-over-the-place work schedule. Man, that shit is for the birds. Even as a stripper, I kept a fairly consistent schedule. I do miss being able to call in "just 'cuz". Honestly I didn't implement that privilege that often, really. It was about a once a month affair, which in irresponsible dancer world is not that much. And the core reason was usually PMS- those days that I would have rather gouged out the customer's eyes than listen to one more minute of his corny, middle-aged-married-man-nearing-midlife-crisis sex fantasies. I'm sorry guys, I know that's an asshole remark but some of you are so typical. And it can freak us dancers out- makes us think, do all marriages end up like this? With the guy bored as hell with the daily routine, and horny as hell 'cuz his wife has turned into a freezer pop over the years of child-rearing, career maintenance, and Xanax popping? Then again, I shouldn't scorn such a large part of the dancer's income, I guess :P
The title of this post is in reference to this 'issue' I have in the beginning of each week. I guess a psychologist would label it separation anxiety, but I like to think of it as 'memory disquiet disorder'. As you know, I'm in a wonderful relationship and our weekends are pretty banging on all counts. Monday morning comes, he goes off to work, and after a few hours (if I'm not working), I kinda start becoming a nutcase. It's almost like we've broken up, and all the memories of us, and us in our apartment, start haunting me. It's not pretty, I assure you. Not CPEP worthy, but very uncomfortable. Yesterday I left the apartment and went for a long, fast-paced walk, and sometimes that doesn't work because there's memories of that, also. Does that make any sense? It's only Monday, sometimes Tuesday, that this mental fisticuffs occurs, then I'm okay the rest of the week. Does anyone have issues with good memories like this? It's so bizarre to me because I've never had separation anxiety from my mate before. Nope, usually I was waiting for the bastard to leave.
At work, the uppers have decided that a good way to sell the rest of the orchid supply from the summer was to put three of them at the end of each register, where they are in constant danger of being knocked over. Last night, two older ladies came through my line, and while I was working on the transaction, one reached out to an orchid and gently held one of the blossoms. She goes to her friend, "I absolutely adore orchids. Do you know why I love this blossom? What does it look like to you?"
Her friend immediately responded, "A vagina."
"Exactly!" her friend agreed. "That's why I love them!"
Awesome sauce :D
KR
The title of this post is in reference to this 'issue' I have in the beginning of each week. I guess a psychologist would label it separation anxiety, but I like to think of it as 'memory disquiet disorder'. As you know, I'm in a wonderful relationship and our weekends are pretty banging on all counts. Monday morning comes, he goes off to work, and after a few hours (if I'm not working), I kinda start becoming a nutcase. It's almost like we've broken up, and all the memories of us, and us in our apartment, start haunting me. It's not pretty, I assure you. Not CPEP worthy, but very uncomfortable. Yesterday I left the apartment and went for a long, fast-paced walk, and sometimes that doesn't work because there's memories of that, also. Does that make any sense? It's only Monday, sometimes Tuesday, that this mental fisticuffs occurs, then I'm okay the rest of the week. Does anyone have issues with good memories like this? It's so bizarre to me because I've never had separation anxiety from my mate before. Nope, usually I was waiting for the bastard to leave.
At work, the uppers have decided that a good way to sell the rest of the orchid supply from the summer was to put three of them at the end of each register, where they are in constant danger of being knocked over. Last night, two older ladies came through my line, and while I was working on the transaction, one reached out to an orchid and gently held one of the blossoms. She goes to her friend, "I absolutely adore orchids. Do you know why I love this blossom? What does it look like to you?"
Her friend immediately responded, "A vagina."
"Exactly!" her friend agreed. "That's why I love them!"
Awesome sauce :D
KR
September 22, 2013
Amazing Fall Weekend
I give thanks to whomever every day that I wake up to my life. While I still have a ways to go before I'm at where I want to be, this year has been so amazing. This has been an awesome, relaxing & fun weekend. I have had several hours of lying on the couch, catching up on my Netflix queue, and perfecting my manicure. However, I also plan out/finish articles and query editors about new ideas during such activity. So.
Today the lover & I had a fall-themed day; we went to Abbott's Farm to go apple picking
and we're already planning out delicious apple pie making. We also hit up the Jordan Fall Festival. I was surprised that I only recognized one person. The day was nice and chilly for the....chili, and of course we both had one of the famous donuts. My god, I forgot how delicious they are! You have to eat them fresh though- that sorta calorie count does not keep well once it cools.
I'm including the food pics from this weekend- yes, a significant part of our relationship revolves around our joint love of culinary product. I have learned so much since being under his tutelage, so many little secrets to cooking, especially the chemistry of cooking and why foods are put together the way are put together. Bon appetite!
September 20, 2013
Kelly Raine's Public Service Announcement
Morning, y'all. Thank Fuck it's Friday, and I have all weekend off, YEEHAWWWW!!! So excited! There's family time, apple picking, lovemakin' and delicious meals in store ;) This is going to sound funny coming from this once-upon-a-time farm girl, but I don't believe I've ever been apple picking. I have no recollection of doing such, and that is such a strange thing to me, lol. I remember going blueberry and strawberry picking with my mother, but no apples.
May I be allowed to rant for a minute? Subject: Personal Responsibility.
On the news this morning, there was a blurb about the possibility of food-stamp reform and I was reminded of how a family came through my line yesterday, and used one such form of payment. They bought $30 worth of candy. Awesome. Why the fuck is that allowed? I would even understand 1 or 2 candy items- for all I know they have a diabetic person in the family who needs candy around in case of a sudden blood sugar drop. I get that, I have a nephew who's diabetic. Quick sugar is necessary to have around for such a situation. But $30 worth?
I get frustrated with the people that don't try. Don't try to elevate their situation in life, better themselves, get educated, DO SOMETHING PROACTIVE. I've left the club and I'm still surrounded by those that are content to just hang out, and continue to make poor decisions and keep the viscous cycle going from whence they came.
I can't stand that, it drives me crazy. I wish there was a quick solution, I know there's not. I wish I could bitch-slap the fuck out of all the idiots out there. I can't understand why it's not more apparent to people that they should do better than their parents did. I don't care what color your skin is or where you come from, just fucking try. Don't expect me to have any respect for you if you don't. I have no tolerance for those that can't get out of their own way.
Lastly, STOP HAVING BABIES YOU CAN'T AFFORD! Having children before you're financially sound does nothing but lock you into a life of poverty and government assistance.
Unless that is, you work your fucking ass off. And I know a few women who have overcome shitty circumstances and are doing well for themselves. I have nothing but immense respect for them.
For those that this rant applies to, I challenge you. Let's see what you're made of, sugah.
KR
May I be allowed to rant for a minute? Subject: Personal Responsibility.
On the news this morning, there was a blurb about the possibility of food-stamp reform and I was reminded of how a family came through my line yesterday, and used one such form of payment. They bought $30 worth of candy. Awesome. Why the fuck is that allowed? I would even understand 1 or 2 candy items- for all I know they have a diabetic person in the family who needs candy around in case of a sudden blood sugar drop. I get that, I have a nephew who's diabetic. Quick sugar is necessary to have around for such a situation. But $30 worth?
I get frustrated with the people that don't try. Don't try to elevate their situation in life, better themselves, get educated, DO SOMETHING PROACTIVE. I've left the club and I'm still surrounded by those that are content to just hang out, and continue to make poor decisions and keep the viscous cycle going from whence they came.
I can't stand that, it drives me crazy. I wish there was a quick solution, I know there's not. I wish I could bitch-slap the fuck out of all the idiots out there. I can't understand why it's not more apparent to people that they should do better than their parents did. I don't care what color your skin is or where you come from, just fucking try. Don't expect me to have any respect for you if you don't. I have no tolerance for those that can't get out of their own way.
Lastly, STOP HAVING BABIES YOU CAN'T AFFORD! Having children before you're financially sound does nothing but lock you into a life of poverty and government assistance.
Unless that is, you work your fucking ass off. And I know a few women who have overcome shitty circumstances and are doing well for themselves. I have nothing but immense respect for them.
For those that this rant applies to, I challenge you. Let's see what you're made of, sugah.
KR
September 16, 2013
Impatient
I have an interview tomorrow that I hope lands me the job. It would be a much nicer, and closer place of employment.
This year has been a big one for growth, which means in part getting used to being uncomfortable. It took me a long time to want to break out of my comfort zone, but I've done it. I have downsized my anxiety to a small little black, miserable box, which I keep inside of a bigger box.
And now I'm impatient. Impatient for a better, more progressive workplace, and hopefully better pay. Please God, let there be better pay. This wage sucks, and I miss shopping :( I've been such a hermit this year because of having no money. I mean, the fact that I'd rather be holed up with my lover than be around stupid, annoying people, plays a major role in that hermitage, but the lack of money is the other part.
Take a deep breath, you nut case. You've made amazing progress on several fronts this year......WHY COULDN'T I BE PAID FOR ALL MY WORK??
Ok, I'll stop complaining. I know it sucks right now, but it won't forever.
K
This year has been a big one for growth, which means in part getting used to being uncomfortable. It took me a long time to want to break out of my comfort zone, but I've done it. I have downsized my anxiety to a small little black, miserable box, which I keep inside of a bigger box.
And now I'm impatient. Impatient for a better, more progressive workplace, and hopefully better pay. Please God, let there be better pay. This wage sucks, and I miss shopping :( I've been such a hermit this year because of having no money. I mean, the fact that I'd rather be holed up with my lover than be around stupid, annoying people, plays a major role in that hermitage, but the lack of money is the other part.
Take a deep breath, you nut case. You've made amazing progress on several fronts this year......WHY COULDN'T I BE PAID FOR ALL MY WORK??
Ok, I'll stop complaining. I know it sucks right now, but it won't forever.
K
September 13, 2013
TGIF!
I'm so happy its Friday, even though I still have another fairly long day ahead of me (and I have to work tomorrow :P).
I had an interview yesterday, which went well despite not being what I'm looking for. It was still good interview practice though :P I have another one today for a position that's a bit more interesting.
It was kinda funny- there were two former dancers who came by work yesterday; the one has been in the professional world for much longer than I have been, while the other one...hasn't changed much. There's always a moment when two dancers meet up in public, and their brains scramble trying to remember the other girl's real name. Sometimes the dancer name gets blurted out, luckily that did not happen yesterday.
I also saw the daughter of my 4-H troop leader yesterday, very pregnant with her second kid. She gave me a surprised look- I was the local scandal back in 2005 when the farming community learned I had become a stripper. There's always this dismissive air I get from people that disapprove of my past naked employment. In her case, she comes from a very Christian background, so I'm not even going to touch that. Yes, yes, I know, I'm going to burn in hell. However, I do not envy her at all- she's going to have two babies to take care of. Of course she's married to the farm boy she had been crushing on since being a teenager, and I'm sure she wants to pop out like five more little ones. Fuck that.
Maybe I should stop mentioning how much I don't want kids. It's probably bad juju and my birth control will fail or some shit *knocks on wood*.
TGIF, fuckers!
I had an interview yesterday, which went well despite not being what I'm looking for. It was still good interview practice though :P I have another one today for a position that's a bit more interesting.
It was kinda funny- there were two former dancers who came by work yesterday; the one has been in the professional world for much longer than I have been, while the other one...hasn't changed much. There's always a moment when two dancers meet up in public, and their brains scramble trying to remember the other girl's real name. Sometimes the dancer name gets blurted out, luckily that did not happen yesterday.
I also saw the daughter of my 4-H troop leader yesterday, very pregnant with her second kid. She gave me a surprised look- I was the local scandal back in 2005 when the farming community learned I had become a stripper. There's always this dismissive air I get from people that disapprove of my past naked employment. In her case, she comes from a very Christian background, so I'm not even going to touch that. Yes, yes, I know, I'm going to burn in hell. However, I do not envy her at all- she's going to have two babies to take care of. Of course she's married to the farm boy she had been crushing on since being a teenager, and I'm sure she wants to pop out like five more little ones. Fuck that.
Maybe I should stop mentioning how much I don't want kids. It's probably bad juju and my birth control will fail or some shit *knocks on wood*.
TGIF, fuckers!
September 12, 2013
This Adult Life
Good Morning.
I have a job interview today that I suspect will be a dud, but will be good interview practice nonetheless, and another one tomorrow. Plus, I have one to call back and schedule an interview for.
And I have several writing gigs right now, also. Of course everything comes in at once :P I'm not complaining, just gotta keep my head out of the clouds, both literally and figuratively, har har.
I'm not as nervous this round of interviews. I'm at the point where I'm (almost) desperate for better pay and/or full-time work so I'm like, Come on, let's get this over with.
Ok, I gotta get some stuff done before I turn all professional ;)
Have a great Thong Thursday!
K
I have a job interview today that I suspect will be a dud, but will be good interview practice nonetheless, and another one tomorrow. Plus, I have one to call back and schedule an interview for.
And I have several writing gigs right now, also. Of course everything comes in at once :P I'm not complaining, just gotta keep my head out of the clouds, both literally and figuratively, har har.
I'm not as nervous this round of interviews. I'm at the point where I'm (almost) desperate for better pay and/or full-time work so I'm like, Come on, let's get this over with.
Ok, I gotta get some stuff done before I turn all professional ;)
Have a great Thong Thursday!
K
September 11, 2013
II II
Melancholy day. The date plays into it, my heart goes off to everyone who lost someone, my heart goes out to the world and all the people that have to deal with terrorism every day of their lives. It makes me so sad, how much hate the human race is capable of. I wish that people were more cognizant of how their actions would negatively affect future generations, of their own stock.
And yes, people are also very capable of great action, and those great ego-feeding brains of ours have also created some great shit over the centuries.
K
And yes, people are also very capable of great action, and those great ego-feeding brains of ours have also created some great shit over the centuries.
K
September 10, 2013
Family Loyalty
A conversation with my sister last night brought up the subject of family loyalty, and how far it should go if it's being misused.
We are the offspring of divorced, alcoholic parents so you know that we didn't come from a solid, healthy family unit. Our mother did get sober (I was fortunate to be too young to remember her as a drunk) and is a wonderful mother who does everything in her power to help out her children and to be there for them. Our father is still an alcoholic who does work hard, but hits the bottle the minute he's off the clock. Having said that, he would still never mistreat us (if you don't count never being around), nor lie or steal from us. Being a dancer for 8 years, I would run out of fingers AND toes recounting all the girls I've met who had/have been abused by their parents their whole lives. And I'm talking about the worst kind- like, mothers who got their kids hooked on drugs so they could pimp them out and control them. Mental, emotional, physical domination. Girls who were pushed into dancing because their parents used them as their little cash cows. Parents that lie and steal from them on a regular basis.
Now, I'm a very loyal person if its a worthy person/cause. But from my perspective, no person should have to take that kind of shit from their parents. There's a limit to familial abuse, and after enough, I believe the kid has every right to tell the parent to go fuck off. Fuck family loyalty at that point.
I was raised to believe that the parent/child relationship is one of mutual respect- the child respects the adult, the adult respects the child even while being the parent and making the decisions that are a parent's responsibility. I have zero tolerance for parental abuse and it always mystifies me when I see a case of it and the adult child continues to put up with it. (Key word: 'adult child')
But then again, I am seeing things from my side of the fence. I also understand how if it's the only thing you've ever known, its normal to you and maybe even feels comforting. I get it, but it's so sad.
Well, that was my Tuesday morning rant. Thanks for tuning in.
K
We are the offspring of divorced, alcoholic parents so you know that we didn't come from a solid, healthy family unit. Our mother did get sober (I was fortunate to be too young to remember her as a drunk) and is a wonderful mother who does everything in her power to help out her children and to be there for them. Our father is still an alcoholic who does work hard, but hits the bottle the minute he's off the clock. Having said that, he would still never mistreat us (if you don't count never being around), nor lie or steal from us. Being a dancer for 8 years, I would run out of fingers AND toes recounting all the girls I've met who had/have been abused by their parents their whole lives. And I'm talking about the worst kind- like, mothers who got their kids hooked on drugs so they could pimp them out and control them. Mental, emotional, physical domination. Girls who were pushed into dancing because their parents used them as their little cash cows. Parents that lie and steal from them on a regular basis.
Now, I'm a very loyal person if its a worthy person/cause. But from my perspective, no person should have to take that kind of shit from their parents. There's a limit to familial abuse, and after enough, I believe the kid has every right to tell the parent to go fuck off. Fuck family loyalty at that point.
I was raised to believe that the parent/child relationship is one of mutual respect- the child respects the adult, the adult respects the child even while being the parent and making the decisions that are a parent's responsibility. I have zero tolerance for parental abuse and it always mystifies me when I see a case of it and the adult child continues to put up with it. (Key word: 'adult child')
But then again, I am seeing things from my side of the fence. I also understand how if it's the only thing you've ever known, its normal to you and maybe even feels comforting. I get it, but it's so sad.
Well, that was my Tuesday morning rant. Thanks for tuning in.
K
September 09, 2013
Reflections of a 27-year-old
Good morning, fuckers.
Mondays are always a bit morose after a great weekend, the lover goes off to work, and there's a void in the apartment :(
Saturday we met with our new landlords, we will be moving sometime in October, to a cute little house in Marcellus. It's such a cute little house- loft-style bedroom, side porch, lots of land, an apple tree in the backyard. Marcellus has an awesome, renovated library and I'm all about it. (Yes, that's how I judge a place, by the town library.)
Ugh, moving. Your twenties are all about it, right? Good god. This will be my 8th place since leaving my mother's nest. One must count the fact that I didn't do the traditional college dorm living thing and I had my first apartment in Port Byron at 18 with the ex. That time seems so long ago, wow. I was driving my ass to the J-E high school every morning and I couldn't tell any of the authorities I was living out there, lol. My poor mother, I was such a good teenage until he showed up in my life. It's funny how you approach your later twenties and you understand how you can't tell anyone in love, especially teenagers, the harsh reality of their relationship. There's that one line in that I-can't-find-the-title Black Keys song, "Everyone knows that a broken heart is blind". Yeah well, a heart in love is just as blind most of the time. If you pay attention and reflect on your past mistakes, you can get better, faster, at realizing the harsh reality of your relationship, even if you're in love. Does it get easier? A tiny bit, but it's more like you just get better at closing your emotions off and keeping it together until you can afford to howl up at the moon.
I have gotten a lot accomplished this year so far- finished my divorce, quit the pole (and the beautiful stilettos :( ), got a "real" job, and graduated. And I want to make the remaining 3 1/2 months as productive. I've got to find full-time work closer to home, or my jewelry business & blogging has to take off. So I'm pursuing the first AND the second. I would definitely prefer the second option over the first. I'll admit, sometimes the first seems like a dream- yeah right, bitch- you do not belong in the real business world. I would love to be one of those sexy office women with my hair up, glasses, in a black skirt and white button-up....*meow*.....but it seems so alien and unattainable to me at the same time. We'll see.
Bottom line: I want to make much more money than I'm making now :D
Closing up, let me just say this: I will always, ALWAYS love seven-inch stilettos, or a.k.a. "stripper heels". Those seven inches of heel with the platform do such wonders to a girl's...everything. The legs, the booty, midsection, titties....BAM! And the power and sexiness they invoke when you strap them on (provided you're on a non-slip surface, har har) is miraculous!
K
Mondays are always a bit morose after a great weekend, the lover goes off to work, and there's a void in the apartment :(
Saturday we met with our new landlords, we will be moving sometime in October, to a cute little house in Marcellus. It's such a cute little house- loft-style bedroom, side porch, lots of land, an apple tree in the backyard. Marcellus has an awesome, renovated library and I'm all about it. (Yes, that's how I judge a place, by the town library.)
Ugh, moving. Your twenties are all about it, right? Good god. This will be my 8th place since leaving my mother's nest. One must count the fact that I didn't do the traditional college dorm living thing and I had my first apartment in Port Byron at 18 with the ex. That time seems so long ago, wow. I was driving my ass to the J-E high school every morning and I couldn't tell any of the authorities I was living out there, lol. My poor mother, I was such a good teenage until he showed up in my life. It's funny how you approach your later twenties and you understand how you can't tell anyone in love, especially teenagers, the harsh reality of their relationship. There's that one line in that I-can't-find-the-title Black Keys song, "Everyone knows that a broken heart is blind". Yeah well, a heart in love is just as blind most of the time. If you pay attention and reflect on your past mistakes, you can get better, faster, at realizing the harsh reality of your relationship, even if you're in love. Does it get easier? A tiny bit, but it's more like you just get better at closing your emotions off and keeping it together until you can afford to howl up at the moon.
I have gotten a lot accomplished this year so far- finished my divorce, quit the pole (and the beautiful stilettos :( ), got a "real" job, and graduated. And I want to make the remaining 3 1/2 months as productive. I've got to find full-time work closer to home, or my jewelry business & blogging has to take off. So I'm pursuing the first AND the second. I would definitely prefer the second option over the first. I'll admit, sometimes the first seems like a dream- yeah right, bitch- you do not belong in the real business world. I would love to be one of those sexy office women with my hair up, glasses, in a black skirt and white button-up....*meow*.....but it seems so alien and unattainable to me at the same time. We'll see.
Bottom line: I want to make much more money than I'm making now :D
Closing up, let me just say this: I will always, ALWAYS love seven-inch stilettos, or a.k.a. "stripper heels". Those seven inches of heel with the platform do such wonders to a girl's...everything. The legs, the booty, midsection, titties....BAM! And the power and sexiness they invoke when you strap them on (provided you're on a non-slip surface, har har) is miraculous!
K
September 06, 2013
Determined
I don't have to be in work today until 4 today, so I'm properly utilizing the time I have, which means this is going to be a quick post, fuckers.
I worked the first half of the day yesterday, then went to the club to do a quick photo shoot with Marie. She modeled some of the jewelry I have up in my Etsy shop, and I love working with her because she just has a natural beauty.
I am determined to make money by blogging & jewelry making. It's all about making your mark and finding your own niche. Lord knows that there are thousands of bloggers out there, which means simultaneously a) it is possible to derive enough income from it and b) it is a very saturated market with most not making income from it :P Annnnddd, the same goes for jewelry making.
And on that note, I have several writing assignments waiting to be finished, so I will take my leave.
K
I worked the first half of the day yesterday, then went to the club to do a quick photo shoot with Marie. She modeled some of the jewelry I have up in my Etsy shop, and I love working with her because she just has a natural beauty.
I am determined to make money by blogging & jewelry making. It's all about making your mark and finding your own niche. Lord knows that there are thousands of bloggers out there, which means simultaneously a) it is possible to derive enough income from it and b) it is a very saturated market with most not making income from it :P Annnnddd, the same goes for jewelry making.
And on that note, I have several writing assignments waiting to be finished, so I will take my leave.
K
September 04, 2013
Childless
I drove to my sister's this morning to help get my niece and nephew on the bus for their first day of school. Their stupid cat- whom I rescued - was running all in the road and repeatedly going after the little girl across the street who hates cats. But I must say- that cat has made major progress- he was a complete nightmare for the first three years of his life due the trauma he sustained the first six weeks of his life. He was the third animal that I rescued or had a hand in rescuing from the club and all the idiots and animal abusers I've come into contact with through that place. I've rescued four, two of which I kept.
Anyways, I've been feeling guilty because I don't go and hang with my niece and nephew as much as I used to. And part of it is just that I'm still sorta getting used to my life currently, and after being around annoying people at work all day, I really don't feel like being around kids. I love them, but....no. I want to go home to my childless, clean, quiet, calm place and chill with my best friend.
All the time I give thanks that I've never gotten pregnant. Sounds bad when I phrase it like that, instead of like, "...that I've never had kids." The former makes me sound a bit slutty, hmm?
I know that I'm only 27 and I might still change my mind....but yeah, no. I love babies, and I don't even mind changing shitty diapers. However, once they start walking and talking, my tolerance goes down significantly with each succeeding year. And they are SO full of energy, bless their little naive hearts. Wait till you figure out how exhausting & annoying life is a lot of the time, fuckers. I haven't gotten all the way there yet, and I'm tired. Children are just so much expensive work, for the rest of your life. I don't like situations that you can't get out of. Well, unless you're a total douchebag (and by that, I'm talking about parents who abuse/neglect their kids, not abortion- that's another day) , but generally kids are forever. And they're annoying for so long.
Maybe that makes me sound like a monster, but that's why I don't have any. Choices people, choices. We all got 'em, let's make smart ones, shall we?
Ok, I gotta go deal with those that don't make good choices, har har.
K
Anyways, I've been feeling guilty because I don't go and hang with my niece and nephew as much as I used to. And part of it is just that I'm still sorta getting used to my life currently, and after being around annoying people at work all day, I really don't feel like being around kids. I love them, but....no. I want to go home to my childless, clean, quiet, calm place and chill with my best friend.
All the time I give thanks that I've never gotten pregnant. Sounds bad when I phrase it like that, instead of like, "...that I've never had kids." The former makes me sound a bit slutty, hmm?
I know that I'm only 27 and I might still change my mind....but yeah, no. I love babies, and I don't even mind changing shitty diapers. However, once they start walking and talking, my tolerance goes down significantly with each succeeding year. And they are SO full of energy, bless their little naive hearts. Wait till you figure out how exhausting & annoying life is a lot of the time, fuckers. I haven't gotten all the way there yet, and I'm tired. Children are just so much expensive work, for the rest of your life. I don't like situations that you can't get out of. Well, unless you're a total douchebag (and by that, I'm talking about parents who abuse/neglect their kids, not abortion- that's another day) , but generally kids are forever. And they're annoying for so long.
Maybe that makes me sound like a monster, but that's why I don't have any. Choices people, choices. We all got 'em, let's make smart ones, shall we?
Ok, I gotta go deal with those that don't make good choices, har har.
K
August 31, 2013
Good Riddance!
Hello there.
Long week. Long, crazy, emotional week.
When I came back in this bedroom to get some writing work done, I had a plan to really bang out some assignments/research, but I started to "fade", as my mother likes to put it, quite quickly. I am tired as shit, and a little drunk on vodka. However, I did send off some article ideas to the editor, so I was somewhat productive.
We found out today that we will be moving to a place out in the country in October, we were waiting to hear back from the landlords on confirmation. I gotta figure out my work situation- need something closer!
I feel like I haven't dressed up or worn heels in forever....I should organize something with my lady sluts to have a night out. Maybe. Or maybe the Kardashians are just influencing me again.
Kelly
Long week. Long, crazy, emotional week.
When I came back in this bedroom to get some writing work done, I had a plan to really bang out some assignments/research, but I started to "fade", as my mother likes to put it, quite quickly. I am tired as shit, and a little drunk on vodka. However, I did send off some article ideas to the editor, so I was somewhat productive.
We found out today that we will be moving to a place out in the country in October, we were waiting to hear back from the landlords on confirmation. I gotta figure out my work situation- need something closer!
I feel like I haven't dressed up or worn heels in forever....I should organize something with my lady sluts to have a night out. Maybe. Or maybe the Kardashians are just influencing me again.
Kelly
August 28, 2013
Fighting Adulthood
Today is one of those days where I spend the whole day telling myself, "Bitch, build a bridge and get over it. Seriously." I wish I had my own private stage and sound system, where I could blast beats and just dance all my angst out.
I had a shitty day at work yesterday, and I am looking for something better (I knew from the get-go it was only temporary) yet at the same time, the idea of working full-time .....does not appeal to me. There. I said it. Yes, a former stripper that balks at the idea of full-time work, what do you know? What do you people expect when I used to make a month's salary in about a 14-hour time span? You would feel the same way!
It's not the work itself, I'm not a lazy person. However, a full-time schedule takes up so much of your life, ugh. That's what I do not like, having to save up your own fun until the weekend.
I have to put my 15-year old cat down this weekend. This issue has been weighing on me for some time now, and it sucks. He's not the first cat I've said goodbye to, and I've only had him since 2008, but he was with me during some very tumultuous and evolutionary times in my life. I hate losing pets, it hurts so much :(((
Thank you Blogger, for providing your therapy through writing. And you, dear readers, for being an audience for my bitching.
K
I had a shitty day at work yesterday, and I am looking for something better (I knew from the get-go it was only temporary) yet at the same time, the idea of working full-time .....does not appeal to me. There. I said it. Yes, a former stripper that balks at the idea of full-time work, what do you know? What do you people expect when I used to make a month's salary in about a 14-hour time span? You would feel the same way!
It's not the work itself, I'm not a lazy person. However, a full-time schedule takes up so much of your life, ugh. That's what I do not like, having to save up your own fun until the weekend.
I have to put my 15-year old cat down this weekend. This issue has been weighing on me for some time now, and it sucks. He's not the first cat I've said goodbye to, and I've only had him since 2008, but he was with me during some very tumultuous and evolutionary times in my life. I hate losing pets, it hurts so much :(((
Thank you Blogger, for providing your therapy through writing. And you, dear readers, for being an audience for my bitching.
K
August 27, 2013
Writing Bits
I still feel these days like I'm spread too thin with too many projects, and thus doing more wallowing than productive, forward-moving work. And eventually soon, I will have to take a full-time job so I can make decent money once again, and then I will have less personal time. Fuckin' adulthood.
Anyways, I know a lot of you have been waiting for my second published work, and I am still piecing together my dancing adventures. I think I'm going just throw all my memories down, the strange and crazy things that I was a part of or witness to during my eight years.
For those of you that haven't come (yes, pun intended ;) across my first published work, a wee bit of erotic poetry entitled Exposed, you can buy a copy here. Reading over those raunchy lines, it always makes me chuckle. I was such a different person eight years ago, a much hornier person. It was exhausting having that constant flow of hormones, good god. I wonder if I hadn't danced, how I would have "distributed" some of that energy....? In that way, dancing was the best way to do so, being as raunchy and erotic as I wanted, within legal limits of course. Quite a few of them are about my ex-husband, and when my bff first read through it, she put it down and said, "---- has never read this, huh?" There was some raw, brutal truth in what I wrote, and to this day, I'm not sure if he has ever sat down and read through all of it. I'm sure I would have remembered his reactions, har har. *sigh* We were such kids.
There are quite a few books published by ex-strippers, most of which are brilliant, shocking, hilarious compilations. However, I must do more research on whether there are some on dancing + life after dancing? And I don't mean the celebrity autobiographies.
Keep it kinky, folks.
K
Anyways, I know a lot of you have been waiting for my second published work, and I am still piecing together my dancing adventures. I think I'm going just throw all my memories down, the strange and crazy things that I was a part of or witness to during my eight years.
For those of you that haven't come (yes, pun intended ;) across my first published work, a wee bit of erotic poetry entitled Exposed, you can buy a copy here. Reading over those raunchy lines, it always makes me chuckle. I was such a different person eight years ago, a much hornier person. It was exhausting having that constant flow of hormones, good god. I wonder if I hadn't danced, how I would have "distributed" some of that energy....? In that way, dancing was the best way to do so, being as raunchy and erotic as I wanted, within legal limits of course. Quite a few of them are about my ex-husband, and when my bff first read through it, she put it down and said, "---- has never read this, huh?" There was some raw, brutal truth in what I wrote, and to this day, I'm not sure if he has ever sat down and read through all of it. I'm sure I would have remembered his reactions, har har. *sigh* We were such kids.
There are quite a few books published by ex-strippers, most of which are brilliant, shocking, hilarious compilations. However, I must do more research on whether there are some on dancing + life after dancing? And I don't mean the celebrity autobiographies.
Keep it kinky, folks.
K
August 26, 2013
Manic Monday
I realized a little bit ago that I am having a case of separation anxiety from my lover. We did have a fabulous weekend, and Monday mornings there's always this void that I have to try to fill with yummy weekend cooking leftovers and xxx video watching :P
Saturday was my graduation party that my sister and mother organized. Mom came up from the farm, and the party food was amazing-- totally Mediterranean, with rolled grape leaves, hummus, pita bread, salad with three types of olives, and minty falafel! For dessert there was vanilla and chocolate frosted cupcakes, so good :D I got to catch up with my godparents (yes, I have godparents, lol) and my good friends. It was so much fun :)
On Sunday my bf & I went to go look at a property for rent, out in the country. I hope we hear good news today, but he doesn't think we'll get it. Whatever the case, this fall is going to be full of changes and transitions. Bring it on, rest-of-2013. Already boxed down the first half ;)
Alright, time to go clean the litter box. For the 2,345,657th time. :P
K
August 16, 2013
Graduation
Don't worry guys-- I did graduate ;) Can I get a WHOOO HHOOOOOO!!! Only took me twice as long as it should have :P And I had many, many moments of doubt, and changed my major about three times. Last semester especially- Spring semester of 2013 was the only semester I kept a full-time schedule, and it was brutal! How do people go full-time through their whole degree? It is so fucking stressful! Oh yeah, they usually live at home with parents and don't work (if any of my readers hold at least a part-time job, live on their own, and go to school full-time, feel free to object in the comments sections). I was making the aggravating drive up to that campus about five times a week, then going to a job I had zero interest in anymore. There were many crying episodes in the shower, let me tell you.
But those clouds have passed, and its onto better and bigger things! Can I get an AMEN?
K
But those clouds have passed, and its onto better and bigger things! Can I get an AMEN?
K
August 12, 2013
Monday Manicure
So.
I turned in my final paper last night, and technically, I'm all done. I believe I did a pretty decent job on the paper, and I'm confident that I passed....why do I feel so anxious about graduating? I feel nervous that something is going to pop up, and whoops! There are some extra hoops to go through before I get my degree. Ack. These next couple of days before grades are released are going to be spent not thinking about it!
Anyway, happy Monday, y'all. Monday mornings, provided I don't have to go into work early, are spent watching the taped episode of Keeping Up With the Kardashians (go on with rolling your eyes!) and giving myself a mani/pedi. Listen, it's my only guilty pleasure, and the only crap show I watch. And I can't stand having messed up nails. Plus, I usually end up working out for the last half of the show, so it's a good thing :D Except this morning- after my nails, I inhaled the rest of the delicious clam and parmesan pasta my lover cooked from last night. Yes, this bitch loves her carbs, and has no problem eating pasta for breakfast :D
I wonder if every retired dancer plans out her future dance studio in her future living arrangements? Yes, I want a big, open room, with about three floor-to-ceiling poles, one spinning. It's such good exercise, and with a little soundproofing, I could blast my favorite NIN beats ;)
K
I turned in my final paper last night, and technically, I'm all done. I believe I did a pretty decent job on the paper, and I'm confident that I passed....why do I feel so anxious about graduating? I feel nervous that something is going to pop up, and whoops! There are some extra hoops to go through before I get my degree. Ack. These next couple of days before grades are released are going to be spent not thinking about it!
Anyway, happy Monday, y'all. Monday mornings, provided I don't have to go into work early, are spent watching the taped episode of Keeping Up With the Kardashians (go on with rolling your eyes!) and giving myself a mani/pedi. Listen, it's my only guilty pleasure, and the only crap show I watch. And I can't stand having messed up nails. Plus, I usually end up working out for the last half of the show, so it's a good thing :D Except this morning- after my nails, I inhaled the rest of the delicious clam and parmesan pasta my lover cooked from last night. Yes, this bitch loves her carbs, and has no problem eating pasta for breakfast :D
I wonder if every retired dancer plans out her future dance studio in her future living arrangements? Yes, I want a big, open room, with about three floor-to-ceiling poles, one spinning. It's such good exercise, and with a little soundproofing, I could blast my favorite NIN beats ;)
K
August 08, 2013
The Thong Thursdays of Past Days....
Good morning, y'all.
I'm listening to my iPod, and having music blasting in my ears is making crave the stage.....but not my old one. A cleaner one, with more room to roll around :D I wish I had been able to really conquer the spinning pole, but alas extreme vertigo and nausea always followed. A non-spinning pole is no problem, other than the occasional painful pole burn. Yes, pole burn is very similar to rug burn, but usually involves more sensitive areas, har har. Ow.
Life has been very good to me lately, this is the most stable and healthy than its been for about ten years. I have an amazing, supportive boyfriend who's also my best friend. We's like peas and carrots, y'all <3
Cashiering is interesting. People come through my line from all walks of life, some are cool and you can crack jokes with them and chat, some are so damn miserable. I always wonder about the super bitchy customers, I wonder if that's their normal state of affairs or whether they are maybe just having a super shitty day. Perhaps they just lost a loved one, or their house is being repossessed, who knows?
Ok, I need to end this and get to work on other stuff. My final paper is due Sunday, and then I'M DONE! At least with this degree. I'm undecided whether I will pursue a Bachelor's in future, but it will not be happening for at least a year. I have a sneaking suspicion that I will miss the higher education system eventually, after at least a whole year, haha.
And even though I am several years behind on achieving this goal, oh well. Nothing I can do about that now. Plus, I feel like I got a damn good, well-rounded education during the four-ish years it took to get here. Schooled in various heavy subjects, like math, science, business, nakedness, marriage & divorce, mental illness, and life. Oh, and bacon. Can't forget the bacon lessons.
K
I'm listening to my iPod, and having music blasting in my ears is making crave the stage.....but not my old one. A cleaner one, with more room to roll around :D I wish I had been able to really conquer the spinning pole, but alas extreme vertigo and nausea always followed. A non-spinning pole is no problem, other than the occasional painful pole burn. Yes, pole burn is very similar to rug burn, but usually involves more sensitive areas, har har. Ow.
Life has been very good to me lately, this is the most stable and healthy than its been for about ten years. I have an amazing, supportive boyfriend who's also my best friend. We's like peas and carrots, y'all <3
Cashiering is interesting. People come through my line from all walks of life, some are cool and you can crack jokes with them and chat, some are so damn miserable. I always wonder about the super bitchy customers, I wonder if that's their normal state of affairs or whether they are maybe just having a super shitty day. Perhaps they just lost a loved one, or their house is being repossessed, who knows?
Ok, I need to end this and get to work on other stuff. My final paper is due Sunday, and then I'M DONE! At least with this degree. I'm undecided whether I will pursue a Bachelor's in future, but it will not be happening for at least a year. I have a sneaking suspicion that I will miss the higher education system eventually, after at least a whole year, haha.
And even though I am several years behind on achieving this goal, oh well. Nothing I can do about that now. Plus, I feel like I got a damn good, well-rounded education during the four-ish years it took to get here. Schooled in various heavy subjects, like math, science, business, nakedness, marriage & divorce, mental illness, and life. Oh, and bacon. Can't forget the bacon lessons.
K
July 23, 2013
Execution
For those that know me, you know how I like to analyze things, situations, life changes, etc. So I've been mulling over this new stage in my life where I'm at, and the past one.
While I do not regret my time spent in the naked lifestyle, I wonder at the effects it's had on me.
For example, even though I am a total morning person now ~7 a.m. 6 days a week, have been since February and I love it....I still have a tremendous amount of trouble being productive before 11 a.m. And I still get a minor second wind late in the evening, like 8 p.m. If it's a work-at-home-writing day, I can work fairly steadily 11 a.m. onward, but if could just get it to start at like, 8:30 a.m., I'd be so much more productive. That I'm blaming on dancing.
Another thing: I'm still shaking off the schedule of being active and working hard (no pun intended. Ok, well for demonstrative purposes...hehe, that doesn't make it any less funny, huh?)for a small space of time (i.e. 4-minute lapdance) then slacking off for a half hour. Repeat. Granted, I have much longer productive times than the time it takes to make $20, but still if I could just work steadily most of the time allotted for work, I'd get more shit done. That I'm blaming on dancing.
Another thing: I feel like I've been released back into normal life; obviously the exotic dancer lifestyle isn't the best dinner conversation, and there are a lot of stigmas that plenty of girls fit into. So I felt like somewhat of a social outcast while I was engaged in naked nefarious deeds, and always choked when someone asked what my job was. I felt as if I stood on the edge of society; don't get me wrong, it didn't upset me that much since I'm not super fond of people, but still.
I feel like I've been introduced to society from a stint in the wild urban jungle. Sometimes I miss the other cheetahs but they'll take down prey without me ;)
K
While I do not regret my time spent in the naked lifestyle, I wonder at the effects it's had on me.
For example, even though I am a total morning person now ~7 a.m. 6 days a week, have been since February and I love it....I still have a tremendous amount of trouble being productive before 11 a.m. And I still get a minor second wind late in the evening, like 8 p.m. If it's a work-at-home-writing day, I can work fairly steadily 11 a.m. onward, but if could just get it to start at like, 8:30 a.m., I'd be so much more productive. That I'm blaming on dancing.
Another thing: I'm still shaking off the schedule of being active and working hard (no pun intended. Ok, well for demonstrative purposes...hehe, that doesn't make it any less funny, huh?)for a small space of time (i.e. 4-minute lapdance) then slacking off for a half hour. Repeat. Granted, I have much longer productive times than the time it takes to make $20, but still if I could just work steadily most of the time allotted for work, I'd get more shit done. That I'm blaming on dancing.
Another thing: I feel like I've been released back into normal life; obviously the exotic dancer lifestyle isn't the best dinner conversation, and there are a lot of stigmas that plenty of girls fit into. So I felt like somewhat of a social outcast while I was engaged in naked nefarious deeds, and always choked when someone asked what my job was. I felt as if I stood on the edge of society; don't get me wrong, it didn't upset me that much since I'm not super fond of people, but still.
I feel like I've been introduced to society from a stint in the wild urban jungle. Sometimes I miss the other cheetahs but they'll take down prey without me ;)
K
July 19, 2013
The Willow Black Files 1
I was halfway through my morning cup of coffee when my cell phone rang. I checked the ID- it was my good friend, neighbor & occasional lay, Samson. Yes, he mirrored the Biblical character in physical strength, however not by length of hair or religious steadfastness. He was a Commander in the Navy, so most of the year he wasn't home and I took care of his Boston terrier, Kippy, and watered my own damn plants.
"Ooh, guess who's calling, Kip?" I said to the dog, who was lying on the floor, near my feet. He instantly picked up his head and regarded me with a serious look, like Don't play with me, woman.
"Good morning," I purred into the phone.
"Good Morning, Willow," his throaty chuckle had an instant reaction of the wet kind down in my nether regions.
"Should I be expecting you home soon?"
"You should look out your kitchen window."
Grinning, I put my laptop aside and got up from the couch. I crossed the hall into the kitchen, with Kippy right on my heels. I continued into the recessed breakfast nook on the far side of the kitchen and slid aside the checkered curtains that covered the window. His kitchen window was directly across from mine, and he was standing there, in his naked glory, holding his phone to his ear. He was fully erect and his swollen head pushed insistently at the glass.
"Oh my," I murmured into my cell.
"Would you like some early morning company?" came his husky voice.
"Like you even have to ask," I told him.
A minute later, Samson and I were feverishly kissing and there was a very excited Boston terrier trying to get in between us. Jumping and yipping, he persisted until we broke it off, laughing.
"Hi buddy!" Samson knelt down and Kipper flew into his arms, twirling madly, his tail going a thousand miles an hour. He licked Samson feverishly amid his excited squeals. Samson swooped the dog up and cuddled him, burying his face in his tiny neck. It was always such a funny sight, this big fucker cuddling such a little dog. Samson had been gone for four weeks.
I led them into the living room, moving my laptop to the coffeetable so we could sit on the couch.
"How has work been?" I inquired. Kippy settled between us, licking my hand to ensure me that he still loved me, as well. Samson's penetrating gray eyes studied me, that beautiful half-smile just as distracting as always. "I was stationed off the coast of Florida. I got approached by several sexy mermaids, but I firmly told them I had a wonderful lady back home, who was watching my dog."
I held up a hand in protest.
"Hey, don't let me stand in your way of getting some mermaid tale. I'd do the same thing."
Samson grinned and grabbed my hand, pulling me closer.
We kissed long and hard, and the space between us closed quickly. Kipper jumped down off the couch and shot a disgusted look over his shoulder, but we weren't paying attention. In one smooth move, Samson slid his length onto the couch, and pulled me on top of his body. His hardness pressed into my pelvis and the whole region contracted with anticipation.
"Have you been a naughty mermaid lately?" he murmured, kissing my neck while his hands embraced my ass cheeks.
"You know us mermaids," I grinned down at him. "There's just something in the water."
He chuckled, the deep, warm sound striking deep inside of me.
"Us pirates drink quite a bit of the same water," he replied, one solid arm of muscle grabbing me around my waist and holding me while he flipped around on top. He pressed his erection against me urgently, and his grey eyes darkened with intensity.
"Arrrrr," I growled up at him.
To Be Continued....
July 18, 2013
Let me Introduce Myself....
Willow Stark Files #1
The guy sitting across from me sneezed into his salad, and I thought, Gross.
"Excuse me!" he spluttered, embarrassed. "Must be the vinegar."
Well, that's a new one, I thought. "It is definitely quite strong in this salad," I offered.
He mimed holding a pad of paper and scribbling on it. He shot his eyes at me with an inquisitive eyebrow. "Hmm? Duly noted for the review?"
This guy was such a dork. But I think he was growing on me. Slowly, very slowly. I ducked my head. "Duly noted."
"How long have you been a food and restaurant critic?"
I've written for many different publications, I've done mostly freelance work, an assignment here, an assignment there. This publication currently is the longest-running."
He paused the salad-loaded fork halfway to his mouth. "Getting paid to eat. That's a pretty awesome gig."
"Well, I have to write about the food I shove in my mouth, too. That's an important component of the gig." I took a bite of the salad. "And it's fun, and assignments are always changing- go to this place and have an appetizer; go to this place and have a dessert, go to this place and get bombed at their bar."
His eyebrows lifted again and he grinned. "How did that one end up?"
Now it was my turn to grin, and I took a second to answer. Images of the night I spent with an interracial couple that had picked me up flipped through my mind. Her ochre-colored skin was so incredibly soft, and she smelled like lilacs. His dick had been hard like his body, and punishing. The combination of the silk and sinew was mind blowing, as was the total aplomb they had of just being horny adults, nothing else. The three of us had used fake names, they had said I looked like a 'Calypso'.
"It was a pretty fun night," I offered. The memories I had sifted through made me hot, and I looked over my dinner date. "Bruce" was in his thirties, a programmer at a local tech company. He was attractive, just not amazingly so. But he had an easy air about him I liked. That didn't necessarily translate into a great lay, but I would find that out in good time.
The guy sitting across from me sneezed into his salad, and I thought, Gross.
"Excuse me!" he spluttered, embarrassed. "Must be the vinegar."
Well, that's a new one, I thought. "It is definitely quite strong in this salad," I offered.
He mimed holding a pad of paper and scribbling on it. He shot his eyes at me with an inquisitive eyebrow. "Hmm? Duly noted for the review?"
This guy was such a dork. But I think he was growing on me. Slowly, very slowly. I ducked my head. "Duly noted."
"How long have you been a food and restaurant critic?"
I've written for many different publications, I've done mostly freelance work, an assignment here, an assignment there. This publication currently is the longest-running."
He paused the salad-loaded fork halfway to his mouth. "Getting paid to eat. That's a pretty awesome gig."
"Well, I have to write about the food I shove in my mouth, too. That's an important component of the gig." I took a bite of the salad. "And it's fun, and assignments are always changing- go to this place and have an appetizer; go to this place and have a dessert, go to this place and get bombed at their bar."
His eyebrows lifted again and he grinned. "How did that one end up?"
Now it was my turn to grin, and I took a second to answer. Images of the night I spent with an interracial couple that had picked me up flipped through my mind. Her ochre-colored skin was so incredibly soft, and she smelled like lilacs. His dick had been hard like his body, and punishing. The combination of the silk and sinew was mind blowing, as was the total aplomb they had of just being horny adults, nothing else. The three of us had used fake names, they had said I looked like a 'Calypso'.
"It was a pretty fun night," I offered. The memories I had sifted through made me hot, and I looked over my dinner date. "Bruce" was in his thirties, a programmer at a local tech company. He was attractive, just not amazingly so. But he had an easy air about him I liked. That didn't necessarily translate into a great lay, but I would find that out in good time.
July 17, 2013
The one thing I Miss....
The only thing that I really miss about dancing (not counting the shifts where a surprising amount of money was made- that goes without saying) is working so intimately with sexy females. Ok, so they weren't all sexy. However, most were, and I only fuck with the sexy ones anyway!
I miss smacking asses, grabbing titties, pulling hair, not to mention all the trash talking and dirty whispers ;)
I have worked with some of the funniest, sexiest bitches on the planet. I miss the sexy :(
I make up excuses to put on makeup, since it's fun now not having to put it on every day and freshen it like, eight times a day. Oh, there are dishes to wash? Better go slap on some concealer and mascara!
This new job has HR.....better keep my hands where they belong....
K
I miss smacking asses, grabbing titties, pulling hair, not to mention all the trash talking and dirty whispers ;)
I have worked with some of the funniest, sexiest bitches on the planet. I miss the sexy :(
I make up excuses to put on makeup, since it's fun now not having to put it on every day and freshen it like, eight times a day. Oh, there are dishes to wash? Better go slap on some concealer and mascara!
This new job has HR.....better keep my hands where they belong....
K
July 15, 2013
Fiji Monday
Guten Morgen, mein lovelies.
How are we faring on this day that promises to be hot as shit?
People in colder climates are never happy--we bitch all winter long and talk about all that we're going to do outside once the weather warms up...then it comes, and gets hot, and we all pussy out and stay inside with our air conditioners.
I admit, I am guilty of this wasteful behavior. However, I do have to be careful on exerting myself in hot weather- I do not do well in temps over 80. And that's due to a thyroid condition that I did not ask for.
Orientation for my new job is on Wednesday. The new job process takes so long, its aggravating. However, the extra couple of days allows me to pick up some more writing jobs and blog writing in the meantime.
In a way, it feels like I've returned from Exodus and can once again be a part of society. While I was dancing, I felt like I stood on the edges of "normal life", and led a lifestyle too radical to get any closer. It's not like I was dying to get back into society- I don't really give a shit about people. However, it is very nice to not have my brain scramble for a reply when asked what my employment is (yes, even after 8 fucking years, I would still get tripped up). That feels awesome, as simple as it may seem.
My writing muse has been paying frequent visits, as well. She's a crafty bitch, and so are her friends. Sometimes we all get naked and roll around in wet paint, then go chase cows. The farmers are always so puzzled in the morning.
;)
K
How are we faring on this day that promises to be hot as shit?
People in colder climates are never happy--we bitch all winter long and talk about all that we're going to do outside once the weather warms up...then it comes, and gets hot, and we all pussy out and stay inside with our air conditioners.
I admit, I am guilty of this wasteful behavior. However, I do have to be careful on exerting myself in hot weather- I do not do well in temps over 80. And that's due to a thyroid condition that I did not ask for.
Orientation for my new job is on Wednesday. The new job process takes so long, its aggravating. However, the extra couple of days allows me to pick up some more writing jobs and blog writing in the meantime.
In a way, it feels like I've returned from Exodus and can once again be a part of society. While I was dancing, I felt like I stood on the edges of "normal life", and led a lifestyle too radical to get any closer. It's not like I was dying to get back into society- I don't really give a shit about people. However, it is very nice to not have my brain scramble for a reply when asked what my employment is (yes, even after 8 fucking years, I would still get tripped up). That feels awesome, as simple as it may seem.
My writing muse has been paying frequent visits, as well. She's a crafty bitch, and so are her friends. Sometimes we all get naked and roll around in wet paint, then go chase cows. The farmers are always so puzzled in the morning.
;)
K
July 12, 2013
Silence
Work with this silence
Listen to It,
Don't run- let it teach you
The truth it tells.
Take a breath
Don't look at the clock.
July 10, 2013
Dial-Up Dandy
I took a break from working on my dark novel, Requiem. I've got ideas for at least two new characters, and the meshing of my own experiences, mixed with fiction, is melding nicely. In a way, this is my 'stripper novel'. It's been much easier to write about the stripper lifestyle since leaving the industry, perhaps since I'm no longer battling the frustration and anxiety about being involved in it.
I check my phone- someone has tweeted me back, both of us comparing how much writing procrastination/Twitter stalking we're guilty of. We agree that we need to put Twitter down.
It makes me think back on the earlier Internet days. When I was still living with my mom, using a mind-numbingly slow dial-up connection. Yahoo chat rooms were my thing back then- do they still exist? There was one or two that I would frequent on a daily basis, and there would be a lot of the same people always in them. I was way younger than everyone in them, and I always wondered about their lives, if they still managed to crank out a worthy existence while obviously glued to their computer seat (yes, this was before worldwide mobile phone usage, and apps). After a few weeks, these little chat rooms would start to feel comfortable and fun, and I would get enthusiastically greeted upon "entering". I miss those chat rooms.
At the foolish and horny age of eighteen, I even had a one-night stand with a much older chat room user that I had been chatting with for several months & had developed a very flirtatious (as in naughty web-cam back & forths) relationship with. Looking back at how very, very, bad that situation could have turned out, I would bitch slap the fuck out of my 18-year old self. Lucky for me, he was the same funny, intelligent, ballroom dance instructor that I had been chatting too, and we had a great night together. (My 18-year old self wasn't completely driven by hormones- I did have a jack knife in my purse, which I kept right by the bed. 'Cuz even she understood to a degree that you never know.)
Oh, and DID I catch shit when I got home!! (Someone forgot to let her best friend know that she had told her mom that she was spending the night, and that that friend should cover for said girl in case unsuspecting mother called the friend's house.)
Busted.
I check my phone- someone has tweeted me back, both of us comparing how much writing procrastination/Twitter stalking we're guilty of. We agree that we need to put Twitter down.
It makes me think back on the earlier Internet days. When I was still living with my mom, using a mind-numbingly slow dial-up connection. Yahoo chat rooms were my thing back then- do they still exist? There was one or two that I would frequent on a daily basis, and there would be a lot of the same people always in them. I was way younger than everyone in them, and I always wondered about their lives, if they still managed to crank out a worthy existence while obviously glued to their computer seat (yes, this was before worldwide mobile phone usage, and apps). After a few weeks, these little chat rooms would start to feel comfortable and fun, and I would get enthusiastically greeted upon "entering". I miss those chat rooms.
At the foolish and horny age of eighteen, I even had a one-night stand with a much older chat room user that I had been chatting with for several months & had developed a very flirtatious (as in naughty web-cam back & forths) relationship with. Looking back at how very, very, bad that situation could have turned out, I would bitch slap the fuck out of my 18-year old self. Lucky for me, he was the same funny, intelligent, ballroom dance instructor that I had been chatting too, and we had a great night together. (My 18-year old self wasn't completely driven by hormones- I did have a jack knife in my purse, which I kept right by the bed. 'Cuz even she understood to a degree that you never know.)
Oh, and DID I catch shit when I got home!! (Someone forgot to let her best friend know that she had told her mom that she was spending the night, and that that friend should cover for said girl in case unsuspecting mother called the friend's house.)
Busted.
July 06, 2013
Anouk: Modern World
Beautiful Day. At the end of a transitional, fairly successful week.
I've been hired at a local retail joint, and I'm still amazed at how much easier the job hunt was/is without the club hanging over my head. I can't describe how uncomfortable it was, pretending not to be a dancer looking for a job. It's akin to going back to school after you get your first period. It feels like everyone knows, and its mega-paranoia time.
Is this how every ex-dancer feels, once they've taken the plunge and gotten out of the lifestyle? Like I've shed a dirty old ragged skin that no longer fit. I feel cleaner, refreshed, and I've gotten a good dose of my confidence and self-esteem back that had been overshadowed by The Pole.
Fuck that Pole.
The lover and I tried out Bagelicious II for breakfast today. Cute little place, good coffee. The bagels? ...Eh.
We traveled out to his father's camp later, and I met his other brother, his wife, and their adorable daughter. Such fat cheeks!!
The lake is quite high, no surprise there. It was beautiful out today, and I wish I could stand the heat better.
The month of June flew by, and it was a stressful, busy month. Good riddance! I only feel a little panicky about losing a whole month of summer where I didn't pack in enough summer activities. However, I got a B in that awful Spanish class, so June can fuck itself.
;)
K
I've been hired at a local retail joint, and I'm still amazed at how much easier the job hunt was/is without the club hanging over my head. I can't describe how uncomfortable it was, pretending not to be a dancer looking for a job. It's akin to going back to school after you get your first period. It feels like everyone knows, and its mega-paranoia time.
Is this how every ex-dancer feels, once they've taken the plunge and gotten out of the lifestyle? Like I've shed a dirty old ragged skin that no longer fit. I feel cleaner, refreshed, and I've gotten a good dose of my confidence and self-esteem back that had been overshadowed by The Pole.
Fuck that Pole.
The lover and I tried out Bagelicious II for breakfast today. Cute little place, good coffee. The bagels? ...Eh.
We traveled out to his father's camp later, and I met his other brother, his wife, and their adorable daughter. Such fat cheeks!!
The lake is quite high, no surprise there. It was beautiful out today, and I wish I could stand the heat better.
The month of June flew by, and it was a stressful, busy month. Good riddance! I only feel a little panicky about losing a whole month of summer where I didn't pack in enough summer activities. However, I got a B in that awful Spanish class, so June can fuck itself.
;)
K
July 04, 2013
Happy 4th!
Song on my iPod:
Got to Get It
Sisqo (remember him?) , Year of the Dragon (2000)
This song always reminds me of the first farm I worked on; learning how to drive tractor, more specifically trying to back the feed wagon out of the feed bunker.
I know, very bizarre association and I can't explain it. Somehow, the two got clipped together in my memory bank. My, how long ago that was!! Those memories just seem like movie clips now, not experiences. I guess that's what happens when you get older, eh? Man, by the time I'm seventy I'll have quite the Emmy collection ;)
I quit the club last week. I was driving home from the kitty shelter and decided to leap off a cliff and just shed that shit already. It was a little nirvana-ish. I've gotten back tons of congratulations and support, it makes me laugh at how obvious it is of the low place in our society that the stripper lifestyle holds.
Can I get a restart?
First interview Tuesday.
K
Got to Get It
Sisqo (remember him?) , Year of the Dragon (2000)
This song always reminds me of the first farm I worked on; learning how to drive tractor, more specifically trying to back the feed wagon out of the feed bunker.
I know, very bizarre association and I can't explain it. Somehow, the two got clipped together in my memory bank. My, how long ago that was!! Those memories just seem like movie clips now, not experiences. I guess that's what happens when you get older, eh? Man, by the time I'm seventy I'll have quite the Emmy collection ;)
I quit the club last week. I was driving home from the kitty shelter and decided to leap off a cliff and just shed that shit already. It was a little nirvana-ish. I've gotten back tons of congratulations and support, it makes me laugh at how obvious it is of the low place in our society that the stripper lifestyle holds.
Can I get a restart?
First interview Tuesday.
K
June 29, 2013
Creatures of the Night....
what
nature of demon
lies
serpentine behind your orbs?
Holding
horrors that I might only dream of
and give
thanks
to not
be out in hell at night
fighting
the lessers that grab
at
throats of babes
and
tear between legs of maidens
June 27, 2013
Chicken Parm w/Broccoli
This was the dinner we just got done having; tender chicken breast covered in mozzarella cheese, angel hair pasta with a special sauce cooked up by the bf, and some crisp broccoli.
June 26, 2013
Food Love Diaries #1 (not in chronological order!)
Here's the first of many food pics that I will be putting up. I started a foodie blog
This one is the plate of duck I had when my lover took me to Kyoto. Oh my dear Lord, it was an amazing, scrumptious time! I loved the atmosphere, low lighting, soft music, well-dressed waitstaff scurrying around. It had a touch of magic to it!
We had sushi for an appetizer, and it was the very first time I have thoroughly enjoyed sushi. It had never been that appealing to me before. Oh, and we also tried pot stickers (I know, funny name) - omg, I fell In love with these. The ones you can find in your local grocer aisle aren't bad, try them!
It was my first time having duck, and that particular plate was so tender, a little fatty, and seasoned beautifully.
I highly recommend Kyoto Steakhouse, on Erie Blvd, Syracuse NY.
It also helps if you have a very sexy dining companion ;)
KR
Food Love Diaries #2
I was not a steak girl before I met him. I would go years in between having steak, because it just didn't excite me. I preferred burgers- I want that bread-major CarboLoader here!
But then this guy walks into my life, and cooks me some amazing meat, perfectly seasoned and at the tenderness that makes the animal in me HOWL!
And I ain't never looked back.
Meal pictured: Steak, green beans, and barley with corn.
June 25, 2013
Food Love Diaries #3
We try to keep our diet as balanced as possible.
This was one of our lighter meals, but it was still delicious and filling.
We eat a lot of broccoli & cauliflower, for those antioxidant boosts! (Did you know if you're on anti-coagulation meds, you can't eat broccoli b/c it interferes with it? Tells ya something about it, doesn't it?)
Meal pictured: chicken breast seasoned with salt, pepper, lime, hot pepper, & steamed broccoli & cauliflower seasoned with salt and pepper.
June 24, 2013
Temet Nosce
For all its wonderment and abilities, the human brain can be so lacking in this one thing called common sense.
For a quick example, go jump in your car and drive around for a bit. Guaranteed that you will come across not one, but several drivers whom have no idea what they’re doing behind the wheel.
I am currently a part of a sub culture–the dark, devious cutthroat micro universe of exotic dancing.
There are some great parts to this subculture–I’ve met some of the most creative, open-minded, hilarious people ever. I’ve been helped out by members of that strange family when I really needed it, generosity that I will never forget. I’ve had crazy adventures with sexy women, partied with the pros in the game of chance.
But seriously, what do you think of when you hear the word ‘stripper’? My guess is that there are some unappetizing thoughts that go through your mind.
Those typical stereotypes that just rolled through your mind- unfortunately, there are plenty of women that fit and swell the bill.
I will probably come off as arrogant and bombastic throughout the rest of this piece, but if I may profess-I approach the topic with frustration of wanting people to do better for themselves.
One key component of this particular subculture, unfortunately, is dysfunction. This industry is ripe full of people who cannot do one simple thing: get the fuck out of their own way.
I speak out of experience, trust–I’ve had less than desirable relationships (who hasnt?), I’ve had to move in with a friend in the middle of the ghetto, and I put up with shit longer than I should have.
Don’t get me wrong- it’s not like I’m sitting in a mansion now, with butlers bringing me hot water to soak my feet in (although that would be sweet). I’ve still got a long ways to go before I’m comfortable with where I am in life.
That is called progress. And that is what everyone should be trying to do in life. Whether it be a noun or a verb, it needs to happen. Stasis is progress’ evil uncle, out to destroy its name. Everyday that I go to work, I see examples of the latter. And I get it–most of them came from shitty, abusive, neglectful destitute backgrounds, and it’s all they’ve ever known. They’ve never had good role models, or enough discipline. To a degree, it’s a comfort to be surrounded by the shit you’ve always had in your life.
However–one would hope that a human being would instinctively know that they should try to break free. Do better for themselves than their predecessors did. To take those years of watching poverty beat down their caretaker and use it as fuel to get out of their circumstances. To recognize, through instinct, what was unhealthy in their life, and throw it out. To recognize that it’s just dragging them down, and defeating their chance of success. Isn’t that what we’re all in this for? Success in some form, whether it be success in marriage, child-rearing, career, happiness.
WTF.
Ok, I’ll stop preaching.
K
For a quick example, go jump in your car and drive around for a bit. Guaranteed that you will come across not one, but several drivers whom have no idea what they’re doing behind the wheel.
I am currently a part of a sub culture–the dark, devious cutthroat micro universe of exotic dancing.
There are some great parts to this subculture–I’ve met some of the most creative, open-minded, hilarious people ever. I’ve been helped out by members of that strange family when I really needed it, generosity that I will never forget. I’ve had crazy adventures with sexy women, partied with the pros in the game of chance.
But seriously, what do you think of when you hear the word ‘stripper’? My guess is that there are some unappetizing thoughts that go through your mind.
Those typical stereotypes that just rolled through your mind- unfortunately, there are plenty of women that fit and swell the bill.
I will probably come off as arrogant and bombastic throughout the rest of this piece, but if I may profess-I approach the topic with frustration of wanting people to do better for themselves.
One key component of this particular subculture, unfortunately, is dysfunction. This industry is ripe full of people who cannot do one simple thing: get the fuck out of their own way.
I speak out of experience, trust–I’ve had less than desirable relationships (who hasnt?), I’ve had to move in with a friend in the middle of the ghetto, and I put up with shit longer than I should have.
Don’t get me wrong- it’s not like I’m sitting in a mansion now, with butlers bringing me hot water to soak my feet in (although that would be sweet). I’ve still got a long ways to go before I’m comfortable with where I am in life.
That is called progress. And that is what everyone should be trying to do in life. Whether it be a noun or a verb, it needs to happen. Stasis is progress’ evil uncle, out to destroy its name. Everyday that I go to work, I see examples of the latter. And I get it–most of them came from shitty, abusive, neglectful destitute backgrounds, and it’s all they’ve ever known. They’ve never had good role models, or enough discipline. To a degree, it’s a comfort to be surrounded by the shit you’ve always had in your life.
However–one would hope that a human being would instinctively know that they should try to break free. Do better for themselves than their predecessors did. To take those years of watching poverty beat down their caretaker and use it as fuel to get out of their circumstances. To recognize, through instinct, what was unhealthy in their life, and throw it out. To recognize that it’s just dragging them down, and defeating their chance of success. Isn’t that what we’re all in this for? Success in some form, whether it be success in marriage, child-rearing, career, happiness.
WTF.
Ok, I’ll stop preaching.
K
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