Monday Madness

Hello Monday, you evil serpentine element of my psyche.
I'm a little nutty most Mondays. Especially ones after I had the weekend off, like this past one. My weekends are pretty epic and delicious, so when A leaves for work, there's this huge void suddenly. 
Separation Anxiety can suck it. It's so not who I normally am, but on Mondays, it rears its ugly head and I spend all morning dodging it. I don't work until afternoon on Mondays, and from about 10 a.m. to 1, I try to stay busy (or asleep) and have to stifle mini panic attacks that threaten to rise up. It's ugly, it is. Three stupid hours of hell, and then I can distract myself with getting ready for work.
A part of it is reverse SAD, which has always plagued me about this time of year most of my life. I get an overwhelming feeling of being left out of something- I feel like everyone is off doing something summery and fun and I'm left behind. Which is stupid in itself, because I'm naturally a loner and I don't give a shit if people are off cavorting around. I cavort by myself just fine.
I think it traces back to my childhood, when I was always facing pressure to be more active, and more sports/team oriented. It was even worse when my mom moved us out to the country, and the community there was so sports oriented. Once I started working on the neighboring farms, I had a very active lifestyle, it just wasn't on a team. I've always hated organized sports, "those kinds of kids"  intimidated the fuck out of me.
 But anyways, I'm going to really concentrate on my novel, and hopefully get most of the final battle scene done. I'm anxious to be done with this one, and when I need motivation, I think about how I'd rather be a full-time writer than having a real job. I mean, I've made tremendous progress in getting a career going, but when it comes down to brass tacks (hehe, that's the first time I've ever used that expression!) I'd rather be writing.
  So let's all remember to just breathe today, ok? Everything is going to be fine.
K

Am I doing the training, or am I being trained?

I've always wanted to be more of  a regular, strictly self-disciplined person. Well, 'regular', other than bowel movements, has never been me. Apparently, I possess too much of a creative dreamy brain, and along with a bit of ADD, I get bored quickly. I'm half in awe, half in pbbbttt! of those super-internally powered individuals who get in a workout every day, or get 1000 words written every day, no matter what. Those types get so much more done than I do because they don't have to waste time figuring out "what works for them today".
 Today I'm writing to blues music. The day before it was classical. Today I feel very motivated and that the juices are flowing a bit better, yesterday it was quite a struggle.
 Maybe I just have to figure it out every day. I just need to accept the fact that I'm never going to be a regular writer, and I need to get better at figuring out my writing specs for the day, faster.
 Maybe I have a male Muse. Maybe if I turn "it" into more of a boss figure, that would help keep my butt in the chair?
Maybe I think too much.
 K